Challenging the voices in my head
Individual steps on a path to mental wellbeing will all add up to making it to a better place in your head
It ismental Health Awareness Weekand this year Iwas tentative about writing on the topic. Perhaps that uncertainty shows that, whenit comestomy ownmental health, the journey continues.
I’ve written about it in previous years. Dopeople really want to hear aboutmeagain? Is writing about myself self-indulgent?
It’s exactly these sort of social anxieties that have troubledme throughoutmylife.
However, Ihavecomea longway in the past few years and if writing aboutmyjourney shows others it’s okay to talk, it’s okay to reach out and ask for help, then it’s worth it.
Anxiety can be a scaryword whenyou’re going through it. I prefer to think of it as worrying and someof us are simplymoreinclined to worry than others.
Sometimes that worry is specific. For me, there is usually a social theme. Dopeople likeme? AMI being annoying? Doesmyemployer valueme? Whatif I’m on a social outing and say somethingdumb?
Other times, Iwakeupin the grips of anxiety for no apparent reason. I think the bestwayto describe the feeling is to imagine you are waiting for bad news.
There are staffing cuts at work and your boss wants to talk to you. Your relationship isn’t going well and your partner wants to talk. It’s that sick feeling in your gut, the potential consequences on a loop in your head.
Youhave no idea why. It just happenssomedays.
About five years ago, it got really bad. The anxiety became adeep depression. Iwouldn’t say Iwas suicidal but there were times I did not want to be around anymore.
So, Iwent to a counsellor. Itwasthe bestmovei could have made. Heexplained to methewaymybrain works, howprevious experiences have hardwiredmeto worry morethan others, to be over-sensitive.
Ihave learned that
Iwon’t necessarily rid myself of the feelings of anxiety. However,
I can fight it and I can stay in control.
In the last year especially, Ihave becomemore comfortable inmy ownskin. Every day I get better with self-talk.
Whenthe old feelingscome back, I ask myself: “Do you really have anything to be worried about? If you do, is worrying about it going to help?”
Part of that growth waslosing weight. I sat at 120kg at the start of 2019. Iwas uncomfortable, insecure and constantly worried about what others must think about me.
The habits Ideveloped on that weight loss journey that havemade adifference mentally.
I turnmyphone off at 8 every night and read, rather than scroll mindlessly through Instagram, because I’ve learnedhowmucha good night’s sleep can improvemy wellbeing.
Wheniwake up, I read a chapter of The Daily Stoic, a book designed to be read a few pages per day and based on the Stoic philosophy of concerning ourselves only with whatwecan control.
“There are negative voices in your head but you can learn to question them, to challenge them, and the moreoften you do that, themoreoften youwill win.”
I see a nutritionistwhomakes sure I’m fuellingmybody correctly. I exercise at least six times aweek.
These lifestyle changes have had an overwhelmingly positive effect onhowi feel every day.
They don’t have to be massive changes, and it can be one thing at a time. Gofor a 30-minute walk a few days aweek, set yourself a bedtime, read more.
Get comfortable with yourown thoughts. There are negative voices in your head but you can learn to challenge them, and themoreoften you do, themoreoften you will win.
I think Newtscamander, the main character in the film Fantastic Beasts and Where to Findthem, said it best:“my philosophy is that worryingmeans you suffer twice.”