'Time travel' to have amoney chat with your partner

It's the most wonderful time of the year – extended family memberscoming to visit, increased work to get everything done before the break, and lots of presents to buy.

Sorry, did I say wonderful? I misspoke. Imeant stressful.

I love Christmas (especially the cake) but it's undeniable that the silly season also quickly becomes the stressful season.

So it'smore important than ever to be able to have a conversation with your partner about your spending priorities.

If you're not talking about what you want to do, there's the risk of accidentally undermining each other's efforts.

In the latest episode of the Cooking the Books podcast, Money

Mentalist Lynda Moore recommendedstarting themoney conversation "as soon as the toothbrush starts to move".

In other words, as soon as the relationship is getting serious enough that you're spending large amounts of time together.

Iwholeheartedly agree asmoney is a foundational part of any relationship.

But of course, it's not as easy as saying "just talk to each other, silly".

Moneycuts to the heart ofmany subjects that can cause arguments. Howimportantwefeel in a relationship, whether our needs are being met, whetherwefeel like a priority.

Manypeople who've been together for years can still struggle to have conversations about money.

Oneofmyfavourite tips is to break the cycle of tension by verbally time travelling. Youcan ask – what would you do if wewonlotto this weekend?

It's a less confrontationalwayto start than an argument about the latest credit card bill, but you've also just got valuable insight into their goals.

Whether it's travelling (postpandemic), paying off the mortgage, or helping out friends and family, you nowknowwhat's important to them.

Once youknowthe goal, it's easier to work backwards. Doyou need to wait for Lotto, or could you start changingmoneyhabitsnowin order to reach that goal together?

Or you can ask about their first moneymemory, whether itwas getting pocketmoneyfrom parents, what they liked to buy as a kid, or whenthey got their first job and the independence thatcamewith it.

Wherepeople havecomefrom concerningmoneyis just as important and can help you understand their priorities today.

These lower stakes introductions to themoneyconversation can help you break the ice, so you can have conversations about the here and nowas well.

Aregularmoneydate, such as a fortnightly chat between the two of you, over a bottle of wine and with no kids around, can help keep everyone on track.

But those are oftenmucheasier once you've started a track record of good conversations about money, where everyone feels heard.

The Herald’s Cooking the Books personal finance podcast is here to get you the tips you need to weather

the financial storm. Hosted by Frances Cook, with a new expert on

each episode.