Apogue-ish parody for Xmas in Bay
Best festive-season song ever inspires
There is no better Christmas song than The Pogues’ Fairytale of New York. That’s just a fact, and there are a dozen polls over the years to prove it.
You can have your Snoopy’s Christmas and that Mariah Carey ballad, your Rudolphs and Jingle Bells and Noels.
They’re all just fine but if there is no mention of the drunk tank or Mountain Dew or the boys of the NYPD choir singing Galway Bay,
then it’s just not tops for me.
I didn’t have a proper appreciation for The Pogues as a boarding-school brat. Dad listened to their rollicking tunes to keep alert on the long, late drives to and from school. Standard driverpicks-the-music rules.
When friends were in tow, I found this embarrassing but I see now it was probably an effective way of discouraging teenage chatter. Outsmarted again.
My appreciation has grown, and
Fairytale is only improving with age. Stolen dreams, wealth and class disparity, an arguing couple, hope for a better future— this slurring duet may have been written in the 80s but it reaches a new level of resonance in 2020.
Parts of it, too, are seen in a less positive new light in this woke age, with rising debate over whether some of the lyrics should be censored or dropped.
In a delirium of seasonal spirit and December heatstroke, I’ve taken that further. Please enjoy this holly jolly Bay of Plenty lyrical parody of the best Christmas song ever— best read accompanied by the music of the original.
Fairytale of the Bay
It was nearly Christmas, Bay In Tauranga
Mayor Tenby said to us, won’t see another one.
And then he called out for
His council to be sacked
The minister’s eyes lit up
This was her chance In Rotorua, son
It’s been a strange one
The tourists vanished
But the hotels were still full Our Christmas wish is
Nga¯ manuhiri
Return to us in good time When the Covid vaccine comes (Cue zany Irish music)
Queues of cars stretch as far As our eyes can behold
They might blame the roadworks
But I’m just not sold
We’re in for a rough one
When rates bills arrive
They promised us
Leadership now let us see Rents go higher
Int’rest drops
Home’s a trial in these cities
As house prices keep rising Foodbank lines grow too
Crisis is brewing
And the govt’s ruled out tax Labour’s backed in a corner Will it transform or freeze?
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea
We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives
Before Christmas Day
Let’s get sun
Let’s get drunk
Cos not all hope is sunk
Lying here on our shores bluest skies overhead
We’re lucky, we’re blessed We’ve all earned a good rest Happy Christmas my friends A new year soon shall come
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea
We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives
Before Christmas Day So twenty-twenty-one
You really owe us some
Change and prosperity
And jobs for aircrew
We’ll go in stronger, Bay
We’ve held on to our own
Can’t make it all alone
After what we’ve all been through
Our toys and wine are stuck out at sea
We can only hope and pray That the courier arrives
Before Christmas Day.