10 TIPS FOR A STRESS-
It’s the most wonderful time of the year, but also a time when stress levels peak. Carly Gibbs asks experts for their top tips to stop stress in its tracks and make the season of goodwill joyful for all.
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SURVIVEFAMILYFRICTION:
Christmas Day is a happy occasion for many, but for some, including those with dysfunctional families, it can deliver stress and anxiety.
Psychologist Kate Ferris says relationships, grief, addictions and “racist remarks” can allmake Christmas Day uncomfortable.
“Especiallywhenwemake the unhelpful comparison of our reality with the Christmas Day depicted inmarketing and film,” she says, giving the example of an attractive family cosied-up in a picturesque setting.
“Very fewfamily interactions at Christmas actually play out that way. The pressure and expectation surrounding Christmas arecorrosive to our wellbeing.”
■ Toptips
❏ Have realistic expectations: Accept your reality, says Ferris. Theeasiest way of interrupting a disappointment pattern is to become aware you’re doing it, while you are doing it. Offer yourselfsome self-compassion and recalibrate your expectations to somethingmore manageable—“imperfect but enjoyable”.
❏ Plan and anticipate: Alot of us fall back into old family dynamicswhenwe get together with relatives. Don’t just wing it and hope for the best. Be proactive. If your “arrogant brother-in-law” is going to be there, make a plan forhow you are going to copewhen you’re triggered by his gloating. Try to recognise that you can’t change others but you can control your reactions. Politely leaving the table or diverting the conversation to a neutral topic, isabetter way of diffusing the situation than becoming combative.
❏ Seek joy: One antidote to stress and negativity is focusing on finding pleasure and gratitude in small moments – thesmell of the Christmashamin the oven, or the blessing of a fewdays off work. Shift your attention away from the things that are bothering you to “positive or neutral stimuli”, says Ferris. This simple act willmakeeven the most challenging Christmas Day experience more tolerable.
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EMBRACE THEVIRTUALCHRISTMASPARTY:
If you’re missing overseas familymembers, this is a year to be flexible and try out new family traditions, says Ferris.
If you’recelebrating Christmas onzoomor Skype, Tauranga event planner Kate Lovell suggests organisinggames in advance, like Christmas Bingo or achristmas Quiz to keep everyoneentertained.
■ Toptip
❏ Remember that connection extends beyond physical proximity: If time zonespermit, include your overseas relatives inthe day by video-calling, or honour themin a toast or karakia.
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Keepthings casual:
If the pressure is mounting for you to organise theevent of 2020, take advice from Kate Lovell, whosays to keep Christmas Day
casual!
Lovell, who owns event planning business As You Like It, suggests getting yourimmediate family to help out in the kitchen on Christmas morning, and then in the afternoon, get theextended family involved in awater fight with balloons, buckets, and hoses. Alternatively, head to the beach and soak upsome Vitamin D.
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❏ It doesn’t have to be extravagant, just a loving environmentwhereeveryone feelswelcome and that they haveaplace “with the Christmas carols cranking, of course”.
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DON’TSHOPTILLYOUDROP:
So, despite your good intentions, you have endedup– yet again – a last-minute shopper. Before you hit the mall, have a family discussion about the totalmoney available for Christmas celebrations and invite ideas from everyone onhow best to stay within the budget. Manager of Tauranga Budget Advice, Shirley Mccombe, says Christmas is about family and “aroha”, not gifts. If you want to shop, consider doing Secret
Santa, which will reduce cost.
If you’re buying for more people, agree on a set budget or consider handmade gifts.
What’s more, Dr Pushpa Wood, director of the Westpac Massey Fin-edcentre, suggests getting everyone to bring a plate on Christmas Day to share thecost of putting on a big feast.
Consider giving gift vouchers that can be redeemed during the Boxing Day sales. This way yourmoney will go a lot further.
If, forsome reason, you need touse your credit card to buy presents (a last-resort option, she says), prepare a repayment plan before you charge anything to it to make sure the $100 gift does not end up costing you lot more than that.
■ Toptip
❏ We’ve all had a hard year, somemore than others. Drwoodsaysmake sure you don’t get carried away in rewarding yourself and your lovedonesby overspending. To havesome savings for future has neverbeen more important and relevant than this year.
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GETSOMESHUTEYE:
The truth about Christmas holidays is that they can beexhaustingwith all that visiting, entertaining and travelling. Dr Bronwynsweeney, research officer and professional clinician of Massey University’s Sleep/ Wake Researchcentre, says good sleep can help us manageemotional reactions.
“Whenwe don’t get enough sleep our brains pay more attention to negative things and are less likely to notice the positive things around us. Our brains become bad judges of otherpeople’s emotions as well sowecansometimes incorrectly judge what is going on.”
■ Toptip
❏ Recognise sleep as an important part of your health routine and prioritise it: Remember that your emotional reactions are not just basedonexternal things like whose house you have to visit, but also your brain’s ability to correctly judge the situation. Good sleepmakes you a better judge.
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HOLDONTODAILYRITUAL:
School is out andweeks of holidays stretch ahead. So what should you do about your child’s reading?
Professortomnicholson of Massey’s Literacy