Mother LOVE
Being a mum is arguably one of the hardest jobs on the planet. It involves sacrifice and unconditional love. Ahead of Mother's Day tomorrow, Zizi Sparks speaks to Bay of Plenty mums about what makes it also the most rewarding.
KEELEY BRELL smiles a little more every day. She smiles when mum Sonya Rakei starts the day with a morning dance. She smiles when she lies on the bed staring at the book Rakei is reading. On cue, she smiles when a photographer points a camera her way.
Born on February 20, Keeley has filled Rakei, a first-time mum, with more love than she ever imagined.
“It’s a different level of love. People always explained it like when you see them you love them on a whole other level. Now I understand that feeling.
“Just having her in my life has changed me to be, I guess you could say, a more grateful person for life. She has definitely filled my heart with more love than I could ever experience or could ever share with anyone else and I love her to bits.”
Rakei will tomorrow experience her first Mother’s Day as a mother herself.
She is grateful for the new experiences she is having every day.
“I just want to watch her every movement ... Adjusting to being a mother was a big change for me because I was so career-focused and fitness-focused. It’s been a beautiful journey.”
The Rotorua mum is on maternity leave and says so far her daughter has been a relaxed and easy baby.
“The most rewarding thing I find about being a new mum is being able to see her new characteristics come through each day. She smiles more every day and she loves my dancing,” Rakei says.
“She likes books at the moment so
I’ll lie with her on the bed and hold the book above it and she looks up at it stares at it and smiles.”
But of course, being a new mum is not without its challenges. For Rakei the biggest challenge, apart from getting her partner to change a nappy she jokes, was breastfeeding.
Because Keeley, who is 11 weeks old today, wouldn’t latch so Rakei expressed and syringe-fed her.
“That was quite a sad experience for me because I really wanted to breastfeed and she wasn’t having a bar of it.”
Rakei says the journey to have Keeley has been a beautiful one in itself. A baby was always on the cards for her and her partner but was unexpected when the time came. Still, it worked out perfectly, Rakei says.
While what the future holds for Rakei, her partner and Keeley remains to be seen, Rakei has one wish for her daughter - “I just hope she is happy, healthy and loved.”
Biggest treasure of life
While Rakei may be about to experience her first Mother’s Day, Magda James has marked more than a decade as a mother. Mum to
Gregory, 15, Aurelia, 13, Julia, 11, and Oliver, 9, she says motherhood is “just beautiful”.
“It’s the biggest treasure of life. It’s something that can’t be taken away and having children just makes a huge purpose for my life.
“I really treasured all the moments when the kids were really little and I stayed home with them. That created a bond between us.”
The Tauranga mum says as her daughters have grown they have developed their own temperaments and character and she has had to learn to let them grow as individuals.
“It’s not always easy to let them be who they are if it’s not exactly what you would do and what you would say but you have to accept them as individuals.”
Aurelia says most of the person she is today is thanks to her mum.
While the 13-year-old says she and her mum are very different, she feels she can talk to her mother about anything.
“We’ve got extremely different tastes in clothes and music and fashion but we still love to do all that stuff together.
“She’s really taught me how to get along with people that are not exactly like me and acknowledge your differences and learn how to be around them.”
James’ wish is for that to continue. “I hope Aurelia will find a listening ear in me and keep coming and trust me with her questions or discoveries of life ... that I will be a trusted mum and she can talk to me about anything that troubles her or the joys as well.
“One thing I hope Aurelia learns is don’t be afraid of dreaming and pursuing your dreams and talents and to find a solution to problems whenever they come. That’s what I am trying to teach them.”
While James is teaching her daughters life skills and lessons, it is also a two-way street.
“They have taught me patience and listening. Unless you listen you can’t really understand each other.”
Her message for any new parents is just to “enjoy every single moment. The difficulties will pass.”
“One saying I came across is: the kids will hold your hand for a while but hold your heart forever so enjoy every single moment.”
A whole new world
Braxten Bell gets excited about the simplest things, mum Candice Westnedge says.
Westnedge says her 18-month-old has taught her an appreciation for the small things.
“Everything is so exciting [to him]. It could be something so simple. The most basic thing is the be-all and endall like something like a box with packaging and he thinks that’s all his Christmases come at once.”
She recalled a time when her son discovered her Muay Thai boxing gloves and was fascinated trying to get them on.
“To me, it’s just a pair of boxing gloves, to him it was a whole new world.”
The single mum from Tauranga says she loves watching Braxten grow and learn.
“His smile is probably my favourite part, waking up in the morning to his smile and just how happy they are to see you.
“He’s quite a happy little kid. He’s into absolutely everything. As soon as he wakes up and his feet touch the ground they are running all day.”
The pair are currently living with Westnedge’s parents so Braxten also has a good relationship with his grandmother, she says.
But they are also struggling to find a place of their own and Westnedge is struggling to get back to her work as a Class 5 truck driver. The early mornings are not feasible with a toddler.
“I thought once I had him I’d be able to go straight back to work but that’s not quite the case.
“I have to be on a sole parent benefit and I refuse to stay on it.
“I’m wanting to go back to work and set those standards for my son as well but trying to find that balance is so difficult.”
As well as trying to get back to work and raising Braxten, the single mum is studying criminal psychology and forensics and trains Muay Thai three times a week.
She hopes Braxten will inherit her drive and hopes her love of everything automotive carries over to little Braxten and he has influence in the industry.
“I want him to be the kind of person who achieves things in life, gets somewhere does things.
“I’d like to see him be quite influential and be able to help influence big decisions. I don’t want him to be someone that stays in his shell. I want him to be quite outspoken and somebody that will achieve things.”
If she could tell future Braxten one thing it would be to “stay driven”.
“Stay focused and motivated don’t settle for less and know your selfworth.
“Work for things and don’t hold back, go for what you want, live life and don’t rush anything ... and I’d definitely say don’t have a kid before you’re ready.”
Even though being a mother is a balancing act, Westnedge says it is nice to see the hard work she put in as a mother come to life in her son.
“It’s a challenge but it’s rewarding.”
I’m wanting to go back to work
and set those standards for my
son as well but trying to find that balance is so
difficult.
Taking it day by day
Trish Pike has experienced more than 25 Mother’s Days, many of them as a sole parent.
Her two eldest children Jayde, 25, and Xianar, 22, have now left home and, in Trish’s words are “beautiful souls”. Only Tyson, 11, is still at home.
Trish Pike says it is hard to put into words what it is like to be a mother.
“It’s just amazing. I feel like with my three children I can see a little bit of who I am in every one of them.
“It’s an amazing feeling to have raised three beautiful children and two are adults now. The journey has been