‘I feel a bit lost’: reality bites for Black Fern

It was only two months ago that Black Fern Toka Natua scored a record hat-trick at a Women’s Rugby World Cup final - now she is feeling a sense of loss and struggle.

Natua spoke to Stuff from her home in Tokoroa and it is hard to imagine anyone who has more passion for the game.

‘‘I am definitely going to try to be a Black Fern for as long as I live,’’ she says.

‘‘I want to be in the game. I love rugby it is on my mind 24/7 it is in my mind everything I do.’’ However, all is not rosy. While Natua is contractually obliged not to talk about pay disparity in the women’s game while the New Zealand Rugby Players Association talks with New Zealand Rugby about a pay deal, it becomes obvious the young graphic designer struggled to even get to the World Cup in August and is now adjusting mentally from being a feted world champion to someone who doesn’t get paid for her efforts and may never realise her sporting potential.

Leading in to the RWC Natua reduced her working hours at Sign Magic in Tokoroa to fit in rugby trainings at Hamilton twice a week, meaning a reduced pay packet each week.

On top of this she would pay petrol out of her own back pocket for the two-hour round trip to training and asked her parents and extended family for donations so she could become a Black Fern.

‘‘Coming back and having my job and still training for it [rugby] – I felt like I wasn’t giving everything in to what I love,’’ she says. ‘‘It was so hard trying to balance everything. Imagine if I did or could [be fulltime] how much better I would be.

And Natua is not the type to complain. She is hugely grateful to be a part of the campaign and pays tribute to NZ Rugby for giving her the opportunity.

However, you can’t help wonder if the prop and her teammates were given more time to train and more financial assistance they could take the game to a new level.

As it remains, Natua is confused with what next to do with her life and is feeling dissatisfied with her modest daily routine living in Tokoroa.

‘‘Coming back from the World Cup I am feeling a bit lost. I know I need bigger and better things.

‘‘It’s OK, but I feel like I want to do more and I want to be more. Even though I love my job I just know I want to go further.