Avoid the pos­tur­ing, pre­tence and empty prom­ises... vote now

If you're like me and this elec­tion has got too much for you, there's a sim­ple rem­edy that will leave you feel­ing great.

Sunday News - - NEWS -

His think­ing is sim­ple: What’s more Kiwi than a bee? Well, a Kiwi. ‘‘The Kiwi’s just not art. The Kiwi’s just a thing,’’ he says.

The KiWi KiWi first came to life as a toy for his then 3-year-old grand­son Jimi and then, a few years back, he was work­ing with a manch­ester man­u­fac­turer when one of its direc­tors noticed it in Frizzell’s cen­tral Auck­land stu­dio. The North Shore mer­chan­dise di­rec­tor reck­oned it would be a hit, Frizzell re­calls, and got to work with a fac­tory in China that Frizzell has been told also makes the Buzzy Bee toys.

The toy will be in stores such as Whit­coulls and Farm­ers from Wed­nes­day. ‘‘To me this is some sort of ul­ti­mate com­mu­ni­ca­tion tri­umph, I can get this into every house in New Zealand.’’

I’M done with this elec­tion. I know it’s a still a week out but I can’t han­dle it any more. The pos­tur­ing, the poli­cies, the prom­ises, that TV ad ap­par­ently show­ing cult mem­bers jog­ging around in hor­ri­ble teal blue out­fits... I’m get­ting close to reach­ing peak vote 2017.

The petrol light has been on a while now. It all started get­ting a bit much af­ter the pre­dictable step of par­ties go­ing af­ter gangs, drug deal­ers, youth of­fend­ers and ben­e­fi­cia­ries.

If there was a drink­ing game based on the elec­tions, there would be a com­pul­sory scull every time a cam­paign­ing party pulled out the prom­ise-to-get­tough-on-gangs card. That’s if any­one was still sober af­ter hav­ing to drink every time im­mi­gra­tion was men­tioned.

If this was a party, I’ve reached that part of the night where you won­der whether any­thing good will hap­pen or whether you should just go home.

It’s not just the sight of politi­cians bend­ing over back­wards to prove how agree­able they are or how much they’re down with the peo­ple. It’s not just how this is the only time every three years that some politi­cians do things like catch the bus or go to the Otara mar­kets.

It’s not just that I can’t han­dle any more TV news re­ports show­ing them in their best look-atme-I’m-earne­s­tand-com­pe­tent pose.

It’s that I know that there’s still an­other week of breath­less polls analysis, at­ten­tion­grab­bing head­lines, and end­less opin­ing of ex­perts who lurch from one topic to the next jostling to prove how rel­e­vant their opin­ions are.

But I’m not go­ing to con­sume any more elec­tion­eer­ing, I don’t need to – I’ve al­ready voted.

This week I was at a mall, tak­ing a cof­fee break right next to an early vot­ing sta­tion. Even though I hadn’t yet en­rolled, and wasn’t in my elec­torate, it was all done and dusted in 10 min­utes.

I got my sticker and walked out feel­ing like a weight had lifted off my shoul­ders.

This doesn’t mean I won’t stress about the re­sult, fix­ate about what’s be­ing re­flected, or worry whether enough of my fel­low New Zealan­ders will vote. It’s just that now I’ve done my part, I can sit back and wait to dis­cover the will of the elec­torate.

This next Saturday, Septem­ber 23, is – as the old adage goes – the only poll that re­ally mat­ters. Al­though we’d all like to think that most vot­ers are well-ed­u­cated about the is­sues and base their de­ci­sions on se­ri­ous and com­pre­hen­sive analysis of all vari­ables, my purely non­sci­en­tific view is that it gen­er­ally comes down to a sin­gle mo­ment of truth when there’s no one around but you and that orange felt marker.

That’s the few sec­onds that re­ally mat­ter – as you fi­nally de­cide who best rep­re­sents the view­point with which you mostly agree.

For me, I al­ready know that de­ci­sion and an­other week of de­bate, dis­cus­sion and spin is un­likely to change my mind. So I’m one of more than 200,000 peo­ple who’ve taken the chance to vote early, and it feels great.

All the best with your de­ci­sion New Zealand.

I got my sticker and walked out feel­ing like a weight had lifted off my shoul­ders.’

Juist as Prince Wil­liam had his Buzzy Bee, Dick Frizzell hopes the royal’s new baby will have their own KiWi KiWi.

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