‘Society labeled me as disabled’

Kiwi ‘blade runner’ Liam Malone tells Jehan Casinader about his struggle against anxiety and hopelessness.

HE’S fast on the track and his quick with away from the sports field is just as impressive – but before his success as an athlete, ‘‘blade runner’’ Liam Malone was beaten by anxiety.

After sprinting to two golds and a silver at the Rio Games, the 23-year-old has gained an international reputation as a loud and proud Kiwi whether it’s laughing it up on UK television comedy show The Last Leg, promising to become the fastest man ever over 100m, or receiving the insignia of a Member of the New Zealand Order of Merit, for services to athletics, from GovernorGeneral Dame Patsy Reddy in May.

But the athlete has now also opened up about his crippling struggle with mental illness, which led him to consider taking his own life.

‘‘Questions were coming into my mind, like: ‘What would it mean if I were to kill myself? What would the impact of that be?’’’

Malone had a tough start in life – born with missing shin bones, his feet were amputated at 18 months old.

‘‘Society then labelled me as ‘disabled’, and that had a profound effect on how I viewed myself and what I was capable of,’’ he says.

As a child, Malone was bullied at school and became anxious about his body image. He wore trousers for seven years, to prevent others from seeing his artificial legs.

When Malone was 12, his mumTrudi Scott was diagnosed with cancer. She went on to fight the illness for six years – a period of high stress for Malone, as he completed high school.

‘‘At some point mymumhad to die. But because I did not accept that change was occurring, I didn’t tell her how much I loved her and appreciated her for everything she’d done for me.

‘‘Even when she was on her deathbed, I couldn’t do it… because I was avoiding the anxiousness.’’

Malone was on holiday with his mates when he found out that his mumhad passed away. But he didn’t tell his friends, because he was in denial about what had happened.

His biggest regret is allowing his anxiety to get in the way of his relationship with his mum.

‘‘A few days before mymum passed away, she rung me and left a message on my answerphone. It was really late at night, and she said, ‘Liam, it’s mum, call me back. I love you’. And I never got to speak to her again. I had that chance. I had so many chances. That’s something I have to live with.’’

Anxiety is an increasingly common disorder among young