Open up about loneliness
Rresearching, writing and speaking about depression and suicide for 32 years, can get a little depressing.
When I wrote my Healthy Thinking: How to Turn Life’s Lemons into Lemonade book in 2003, I recall the World Health Organisation stating depression would be the second-largest noncommunicable disease on the planet by the year 2020.
Depression and anxiety increased by 54 per cent and 42 per cent respectively between 1990 and 2013. They rank second and seventh in the global burden of disease and five of the top 20 are mental illnesses. Worldwide, 700 million people are estimated to have a mental health disorder.
Our own statistics bear this out, with the KYND Wellness app showing a staggering number of people under the age of 30 having orange or red lights for depression, anxiety and stress.
When I did a study of suicides in Canterbury between 1977 and 1987 who had been seen by the crisis team, I found a third had depression, a third had other mental health disorders and a third had sudden loss. This loss included, loss of a relationship, loss of health, loss of a job, loss of finances, loss of self esteem or loss of a perceived future. The other 10 per cent I could not work out why they had done it.
So, when I woke last Sunday to read a Facebook post from a friend in Australia that their 17-year-old son had tragically taken his own life, I wondered, as everyone does, why?
In my 30-year medical career, I can vividly recall the times I have had to tell a parent that their child has died, from a variety of causes. The cries and screams at times haunt me, as did the words of this post last Sunday. ‘‘There is nothing I can do or say to change the fact that my beautiful baby boy felt so alone in this world that he left our family.’’
I have written about this before and I think paradoxically in our connected world, loneliness is a factor in mental illness, depression and suicide.
A study in 2011, published in the Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, of 1007 adolescents found depression caused loneliness and suicidal ideation, rather than loneliness causing depression. Other studies have found a strong correlation between suicidal ideation and depression and lesser correlations with hopelessness and loneliness.
Travelling and speaking is a lonely life at times – and I just had dinner with a fellow speaker who has recently posted he was very sad, so I invited him onto my boat for a meal of crayfish and paua. There are a few cures for loneliness, one is to have company, but another is to enjoy and adjust to being alone, especially after a relationship breakup.
It is a difficult and almost unheard-of thing to post you are lonely or sad online, especially when you are a public figure. So, I thought I would send my
UNSPLASH/maTTHEW hENRY
children a message to say at times I do get lonely in the hope that if they did too, as I imagine we all do, they could seek solace or company to get them through it.
So maybe, if we talk about loneliness more, and check with our friends and loved ones if they are lonely or depressed (whichever comes first), we can help stem the tide of mental anguish and suicide.
My Australian friends shared their anguish on social media in the hope they can spare the rest of us their pain.
If you have lost someone to suicide, this is not an attempt to
● 1737, Need to talk? – Free call or text 1737 to talk to a trained counsellor
● Lifeline.org.nz (open 24/7) – 0800 543 354
● Depression.org.nz – 0800 111 757 or text 4202
● Suicide Crisis Helpline – 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO);
● Youthline.co.nz – 0800 376 633, free text 234, email talk@youthline.co.nz
● Kidsline.org.nz – 0800 54 37 54 for people up to 18 years old. Open 24/7.
● thelowdown.co.nz – Web chat, email chat or free text 5626
● Supporting Families in Mental Illness – 0800 732 825.
make you wonder if you could have done more.
In many cases, despite the best interventions, all the help possible, people still choose to end their own life. This is a complex issue – which has multiple factors – and my articles are not an extensive review of the literature, or therapeutic treatment, but an observation of the week that has gone.
Dr Tom Mulholland is a GP with 30 years’ experience. He’s currently on a mission, tackling health issues around New Zealand.