Loose the dogs of war on Warner

New Zealand’s defeat of England was impressive, but it comes with an asterisk. English test cricket is in two minds at the moment, about its players, about its technique and about its strategy. Australia will be a different test. Three of them, in fact. The Aussies are at home, they have the best bowling group in the world, and they have two batsmen who threaten to be an interminable migraine.

Steve Smith is a big enough problem, having averaged 131 the last time these teams met in a series. But the first question New Zealand have to ask themselves is: how on earth are we going to bowl out David Warner? The weeping wombat, the wallower in self pity, but the walloper of a cricket ball, has a phenomenal record against New Zealand – provided he has home soil under his toes.

Warner made his test debut at home against the Black Caps in 2011 and played the innings of the series. Few Kiwi cricket fans will forget the game in Hobart on a green seamer that made Doug Bracewell appear to be the second coming of Sir Richard Hadlee. The ball was dodging about like Rafael Nadal hopping lines on a rush-hour pavement.

But Warner made 123 not out in Australia’s second innings. It was a stupendous piece of batting and should have won the match. Since that moment he has feasted on the Kiwis in Australia. Having averaged 76.5 in 2011-12, Warner kept piling runs onto his plate in 2015-16 with 592 at an average of 98.6.

New Zealand do not really have a clue how to get him out in Australia and are not the only ones. So far this Australian summer, Warner has scored 776 runs at an average of 338 in all forms of international cricket. Bowlers run in with hope in their hearts and then splatter themselves against the Warner wall.

Warner scored 335 not out in the second test against Pakistan, the 10th highest score of all time. Given that Warner was going along at a fair rate, having hit 39 fours and a six, there was some puzzlement when captain Tim Paine declared on him. Former England batsman Robert Key called Paine’s captaincy ‘‘irrelevant’’ and said Warner should have been given the chance to overhaul Matthew Hayden’s Australian record of 380, or Brian Lara’s test record score of 400 not out.

But could it be that the Ockers have got sensitive? I mean who in the world wants a cheat to hold the test batting record. Who wants a man who wept tears of self pity to be on top of the world. It was enough that he passed Sir Don Bradman. That was more than enough. Surely there is a limit to redemption. We have already had Tiger Woods winning the Masters golf this year. No-one wants Warner as cricket’s figurehead.

When he was in England for the Ashes, the Barmy Army cheerfully sang:

He still needs some education he still needs some self-control,

No gold sandpaper in his pocket

Warner, leave those balls alone

Hey, Warner, leave those balls alone

All in all he’s just another cheat like them all...

And give Warner some credit, he took it well. He turned out his pockets on the boundary to show the spectators there was no phantom sandpaper. He reacted with dignity to some incidents of vile abuse. He handled himself better than he did his bat.

In the series he was

Stuart Broad’s bunny.

Warner managed 95 runs in 10 innings at an average of 9.5.

But that’s

Warner. He’s a sensitive soul, poor dear. When he has to go to boarding school in a foreign country he blubs in the corner and his game goes to pieces. But at home he is the big boffer, the bully who just keeps on batting. But at one point it seemed like he might never bat for his country again Even a return to cricket at grade level in Sydney was a thrill. When Warner wildly welcomed a century Brendon McCullum tweeted: ‘‘Geez Davey! This celebration is the equivalent of Sir Ed Hillary giving it large climbing his front steps, post Everest!’’

Warner had become a figure of fun. At his lowest ebb, wife Candice persuaded Warner to employ James Erskine as his manager. Erskine is an acolyte of super agent Mark McCormick. He has managed Muhammad Ali, Greg Norman, Tiger Woods and Shane Warne. He arranged the interview where Ian Thorpe revealed his homosexuality.

Warner is in similar demand. A book would be worth over a million dollars. The big TV shows are desperate to get him on.

When Warner was copping it from the fans Erskine said: ‘‘They will learn very quickly that they are dealing with someone who has got the powers of concentration and his willpower, it’s no different from a Steve Waugh or a Nick Faldo. That’s exactly what will happen here.’’

And to an extent Erskine has been proved right, just not on green overseas pitches with a Duke ball. But at home Warner is insatiable. So you wonder how on earth New Zealand are going to get him out. And the only available answer is with a very different bowling attack than the one which has foundered in Australia before. Tim Southee is a fine bowler in many conditions, but in Australia he averages over 50 with the ball. Indeed Southee has a very poor record against Australia in all test cricket, a record that spans over 10 years.

So New Zealand can’t keep picking him. They will hope that Neil Wagner – that perpetual irritant whose rise up the world rankings is a testimony to his persistence and the feeble indiscipline of so many modern batsmen – gets amongst the Aussies. Wagner took seven wickets out of the 13 to fall in his only test against Australia, including those of Smith and Warner.

But the man who must come in is Lockie Ferguson. He has already got Warner a couple of times in one-day cricket. Warner has chopped Ferguson onto the stumps and he has gloved him trying to evade a bouncer. Ferguson’s pace and variable bounce have caused Warner bother. During the World Cup, Ferguson said: ‘‘It’s reasonably simple what you’re trying to do – either looking to hit top of off at a good area or try to hit them on the head. If you want to bowl quick you have to run in every ball and want to bowl as fast as you can. It becomes almost an ego thing sometimes with top-order batters because they don’t want to be seen to be evading the ball. They want to be seen to fight punch with punch. That creates chances.’’

There is no doubting Warner’s ego. It is the reservoir for his tears. If New Zealand are to have any chance in the forthcoming series, they have to get under Warner’s skin. They have to have a conversation with his ego. They have to gather together Wagner and Ferguson and let loose the dogs of war.

There is no doubting Warner’s ego. It is the reservoir for his tears. If New Zealand are to have any chance in the forthcoming series, they have to get under Warner’s skin.