Christmas slackers, here is redemption
The clock is ticking. It’s only 72 hours until Christmas, and you haven’t done your shopping.
Some would say you’re a slacker, a degenerate, a man on the edge (let’s be honest, you probably are a man).
What others call laziness, I call genius. After all, talent works best under pressure.
Last-minute gifts don’t have to be a disaster. On the contrary: PriceSpy reports that those brave souls who leave their shopping until Christmas Eve are more likely to bag a bargain, with 80 per cent of the most popular stuff discounted at the 11th hour.
You’re not a disorganised slob – you’re just being financially responsible! And with a bit of cunning, even the most time-constrained gifts can be a hit.
Here are the best and worst last-minute stocking stuffers: Avoid: Cash
I’ve previously argued that cash is the perfect gift: a universal fun-token that can be exchanged for anything. But I have to concede that fishing around in your wallet for a handful of Sir Edmunds lacks a certain intimacy.
Instead: Gift cards
OK, they’re basically identical to cash, but provide a thin veneer of thoughtfulness that gets us across the line to socially acceptable.
I used to hate on gift cards because of the expiry dates and "breakage", through which retailers make millions, but Consumer NZ has successfully pressured many of the big providers to make them openended.
Now we can all just give each other cash, while pretending we’re not, then buy the things we actually want. It’s perfect.
Avoid: Chocolate
At this time of year, you might as well give a fish a glass of water. Everyone already has more chocolate than they know what to do with. Another box of Roses peeking through the wrapping paper triggers indigestion on sight.
Instead: Home baking
Or pickles, or jams, or chutney, or whatever. In the case of baked goods, you have to make them at the last minute anyway, so no-one will suspect your true negligence.
A hand-made gift signals effort, thought, and skill. Add a bow and some cellophane, and you’re basically Martha Stewart (without the felony).
Avoid: Fragrance, jewellery
These are matters of highly individual taste. Getting them right requires detailed research, or help from friends and conspirators. Trying to pull that off in the next 72 hours is basically Mission Impossible. Instead: Alcohol
People are less discerning about booze. Much easier to pop down to the liquor store and get a bottle of your giftee’s favourite tipple. Bonus points for buying from the top shelf, and getting the clerk to put it in a gift bag.
Avoid: Clothing
Another Hail Mary. Again, you have to predict someone’s personal tastes, with the added danger of buying the wrong size. It also requires you to go to the mall and do battle with hordes of other last-minute shoppers.
Instead: Experiences
The best gifts are experiences: a spa package, skydiving, a weekend away.
Preferably something you can do together with your gift’s recipient, which will cement a lifelong memory.
Best of all, you can buy these things online, instantly, without having to leave the comfort of your house. Just print off the tickets or reservations, and pop them in a card. Job done.
That’s all we have time for. The clock is ticking. You have 72 hours. This is your last chance to avoid souring relationships with your nearest and dearest.
If it doesn’t work out, well. Camping trips are better in silence anyway.