I’m in lockdown with a selfish teenager
Mary-anne Scott has some advice for living and dealing with a difficult teenager during the lockdown.
I live in a small house with my 16-year-old son. We each have a tiny bedroom and we share a common lounge and kitchen space.
My relationship with my son was already terrible, but now that we’re in coronavirus lockdown it’s even worse.
His stuff is strewn everywhere, he’s constantly gaming and shouting for hours and hours. I’m writing this from my bed and I can hardly think or work.
Our current lockdown situation is a learning curve for all of us, but for some, the curve will be particularly steep.
The expert advice is to be lenient on our teenagers and not to stress them further, but it sounds in your case that more lenience is not what your son needs right now.
He doesn’t appear to respect you and things you might have once glossed over or ignored are more obvious now you’re in close confines.
Start by requesting a chat and if that idea is laughed out of the park, then you might need to force a discussion to establish some fair arrangements.
I’m assuming he doesn’t pay for the TV, the power, the food, or other running costs of his life? So once you’ve genuinely tried to talk to him, you might need to disconnect the wi-fi.
Plan your move because like most teenagers he might be more tech savvy than you. Don’t threaten your action, just do it.
This will feel like a scary thing to do, but if you’re strong, you’ll be amazed how quickly he comes to the negotiating table.
Once there, you want to establish one or two initial guidelines and make an arrangement that you’ll talk again the next day. He’s to come back with five suggestions on how the lockdown might work for you both.
If you bring five suggestions of your own, he can see how his behaviour is impacting you.
Reassure yourself that you’re doing this boy a favour. Who wants to live with the selfish man your teenager will become if he doesn’t learn to share and compromise at 16?
You’re also doing yourself a favour because his behaviour will become increasingly demanding if you don’t deal with this now. Channel your inner Jacinda and take control of your situation.
Why should you live squashed on to your bed while your son dominates the small space?
This enforced lockdown might be a blessing for your relationship. Once you’ve wrestled back some respect you could come up with ideas to keep yourselves entertained and the small space fairly shared.
Why don’t you each give each other a daily challenge? You might find yourself having a go at one of his video games but it will be worth it if he learns to share and perhaps even to make a loaf of bread.
Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written four novels for young adults, all of which have been shortlisted for the NZ Book awards for children and young adults. As one of seven sisters, there aren’t many parenting problems she hasn’t talked over, but please note that Mary-anne is not a trained counsellor. Her advice is not intended to replace that of professional counsellor or psychologist.