Changing face of parenting
Families put encouragement before punishment, writes Laura Wiltshire.
IT may sound simple: choosing to go to the supermarketwhen your child isn’t tired, communicating and acknowledging their feelings, and praising positive behaviour.
But this type of parenting, now more than ever, is taking over from the age-old forms of punishment.
Amajority of Kiwi parents are anticipating their child’s needs by allowing them time to comply, offering praise, acknowledging their child’s feelings, and communicating and reasoning instead of simply saying ‘‘no’’.
A study, released today by Save the Children, found parents across different age groups, genders, levels of education and ethnicity were turning to positive forms of discipline.
Save the Children’s child rights advocacy and research director, Jacqui Southey, said a majority of parents surveyed were using positive methods of parenting.
For example, they would not take tired children to the supermarket, theywould praise positive behaviour and acknowledge their child’s feelings.
The survey also looked at where parents were getting advice from – with amajority relying on their friends, partners, family and early childhood teachers.
However, if friends and familywere more likely to use negative, physical punishment, then the cycle of poor treatment of children would continue.
She said it was important not to underestimate the importance of professional support (such as early childhood education teachers).
‘‘Some parents talked about how they wanted to change what it was like for them as children, they wanted to do it different, and they wanted to do it better. Others talked about how they had learnt over time with their own children and had learnt what worked and what didn’t.’’
Southey recommended further research in the area, as ECE teacherswere potentially
an untapped resource for parents.
‘‘But we don’t want to place the burden on ECE teachers without also supporting them.’’
An extension of Plunket was another suggestion.
‘‘A number of parents talked fondly about their experience with Plunket, but some made comments that when they needed the help to support the behaviour of their children, that Plunketwasn’t in their lives anymore.’’
She also felt there was room for a public health approach to positive parenting.
‘‘In 2007, we were really progressive in the law wherewe
prohibited physical punishment of children in the home, butwe didn’t support that with the same level of information of what next.
‘‘There is awealth of research which shows it is harmful to hit children, to yell at children, to humiliate them, but there is much less that says what parents do instead, and what works well.’’
There needed to be a targeted approach to ensuring parents got the information they needed.
‘‘It could be as simple as parents signing up to an app, or some sort of information support when they sign up with their midwife, and then that carries through.’’
Parents also used social media platforms such as Facebook to receive parenting information, and Southey said critical thinking was important when engaging with such sites.
‘‘There was a group of parents who were quite disillusioned with Facebook, they found that there was false information, that it was more likely to push things on them, like push them to buy items, or push ideology on them that they didn’t agree with.’’
Her advice for parents was to trust their instincts. It was heartening that parents in the study appeared to be in tune with the needs of their children.