I was ignorant and arrogant
I’m ignorant and arrogant. Well at least I was a couple of years ago, when I wrote for another publication that I was ‘‘justifiably indignant’’ that while using the Westfield disabled bathroom cubicle a hammering began hard and heavy on the door. (I had the runs. Sorry. Also, that doesn’t excuse my selfishness.)
There were two men pounding on the smokey glass. One was a very angryman in a wheelchair, and the other a large security guard, clearly wound up by the angry wheelchair guy.
‘‘I’m going as fast as I can!’’ I yelled, but the pounding and yelling continued.
When I came out I was told I was stupid and selfish. I said something half-heartedly apologetic and indignant. I was so self-involved, and carrying some ‘‘super-abled privilege’’ around. I’m so sorry. I was wrong to feel anything but shame.
I have two friends, Nicki and Michael. Nickiwalks. Michael does not. They are a hilarious, outrageous, adventurous couple who run the Facebook and Instagram pages Our Adventures with Spinabifida.
Our adventures with spinabifida? I was briefly weirded out, because I don’t actually know what that looks like, or how it works, and so I asked. It seems asking is the right thing to do. I got schooled, and as always I love a good schooling.
Why did I feel it was OK to use a disabled bathroom cubicle, and yet I get into a rage when I see some a-hole using a disabled park to run in to the supermarket? Are they more of an a-hole than me? I figured it out. The reason I would never dream of parking in a disabled spot is purely the public shame. The brazen show of disrespect. The immediate flashing neon sign that says ‘‘this person is a selfish stupid ignoramus!’’ Using the loo I can just duck in and out and no-one will really notice.
Double standard right there, Pol.
Michael makes a lot of ‘‘crippled’’ jokes because he’s learned that to ‘‘stand tall’’, he has to have a strong voice and a very quickwit. He and Nicki went kayaking last week. Without help. They went on an adventure through the Waitomo Caves. Well, only one cave. Only one is wheelchair accessible.
Nicki pushesMichael up mountain tracks, across the Kaitoke Bridge (they did get stuck at the end, and a couple of cool guys helped them off the final lip). Michael’s fave trick is to zoom down the travelator at Westfield, then do awheelie at the bottom. He looks back up at Nicki, and smiles. She says, ‘‘Oh God not again!’’ and if her mother is nearby, she screams.
I’ve learned a lot by asking and listening. I’ve leaned that a lot of clothing stores use their disabled changing room (the big one) as a store room, and that, when called out on it, some people reply, ‘‘Well, if it was me I wouldn’t want to haul my crippled ass down to the store. Why don’t you shop online?’’ I was horrified.
I’ve learned that when Michael holds out his credit card at a restaurant, they often ignore him and give Nicki the bill, and that sometimes in restaurants the wait staff will ask Nickiwhat Michaelwould like for his dinner. Assuming that because he can’t walk, he also can’t speak or think for himself. This is a dude who straps himself to scooters and tears around town; this is a guy who wheels himself onto the beach, and once into the ocean (It was his mate’s idea of a laugh).
Michael told me that recently at a restaurant he needed to use the bathroom and the only toilet cubicle big enough was the women’s bathroom which was, and I quote, ‘‘just up a couple of steps’’.
Nicki reminded the staff that he was aman, and that getting down two steps might be fun, but getting up two steps damn near impossible. Nicki gets more justifiably enraged at people’s attitudes thanMichael. She is fierce, and she is an adventurer just like her man.
I didn’t know the big cubicle was for the disabled. I just thought it was for fat people. I’ve used it often. I won’t again. I’m so sorry I was so far upmy own abled ass. I’m so bloody grateful to also be schooled by these two crazy wheelchair warriors.
Mr and Mrs Our Adventures with Spinabifida are way more adventurous than I will ever be. They climb higher, go faster, and helpmore people than I will ever help. Parents, and loved ones of disabled children and partners from all around theworld reach out to them for advice. Oh, and you can dob in cars that are parked by abled folk in disabled spots, and stores that load their disabled dressing rooms full of stock. Go on. It feels good to narc on the ignorant and arrogant.
‘ Nicki gets more justifiably enraged at people’s attitudes than Michael. She is fierce, and she is an adventurer just like her man.’