The young adult
FOR Briony Drysdale, loneliness is an empty feeling – it’s one where she feels apart from or out of contact with her loved ones.
The feeling appears at different times and shows itself in different ways.
‘‘I have lost near and dear ones and I often feel this as sadness or anger,’’ the 23-year-old Wellingtonian said.
Drysdale (Ka¯ i Tahu and Nga¯ ti Porou) isn’t alone. In a report by the Helen Clark Foundation and WSP New Zealand, Still Alone Together, young people aged 18 to 24 reported some feelings of loneliness – the only age group to do so in such numbers.
The report found loneliness tended to coincide with periods of major life transition and many of those occur during early adulthood.
Drysdale, who lives with psychosis and depression, said her loneliness sometimes popped up when she found herself with nothing to do.
‘‘It makes you think you have no purpose and leads you to question relationships and what you mean to those people you have relationships with,’’ she said.
It also came after she experienced moments of anxiety – if she had to meet someone, she would end up taking a long time or even prefer to stay at home, choosing to interact over social media instead.
High levels of social media and digital technology use exacerbate youth loneliness, the report said.
But they could also be powerful tools of connection depending on how they were used.
The way she helps herself heal from those experiences of loneliness and mental distress is through exercise such as yoga and running. She also writes poetry, rap lyrics, journals and letters to post.
Drysdale, who studies at Te Wa¯ nanga o Aotearoa, is also a PeerZone supporter for Piki, a programme that empowers and supports rangatahi towards better health and wellbeing.
As a PeerZone supporter, Drysdale and many others meet with people to chat about what’s on their minds and the changes they want in their lives with help from their supporter.
She encouraged people to take their time but also not to be afraid to open up to others and let them know what’s going on in their head.
Drysdale summed it up with something her brother, Jesse, always says: ‘‘Ahakoa he rereke¯ te¯ nei maunga ki te¯ ra¯ maunga, he maunga tonu.’’
‘‘Although this mountain is different to that mountain, they are both still mountains.’’
‘It makes you think you have no purpose and leads you to question relationships and what you mean to those people you have relationships with.’ BRIONY DRYSDALE, ABOVE
SOLE parent Hayley Stent said after lockdown, ‘‘I started thinking ‘oh f..., am I actually lonely?’’’
Loneliness was not something she felt people did not really think or want to say they felt, she said.
‘‘There’s a lot of weird stigma attached to it,’’ the Hamilton woman said.
Stent said she was not lonely because she did not have a partner – ‘‘I’m good being single’’ – but when her children left to spend time with her ex-partner, the house went from loud and busy to silent.
Still Alone Together found sole parents were particularly lonely in 2020 compared to adults in other household types.
The high levels of loneliness sole parents experienced were just one of the ways they had been ‘‘disproportionately negatively impacted by Covid-19 and its lockdowns’’, the report said.
Stent said she could get quite down about
being lonely and those feelings were exacerbated when she’s on her own.
‘‘I don’t know what to do with myself on some weekends. It’s like ‘oh, cool I’m free’ but none of my friends are free because they’re all married and have kids. And it’s like, ‘cool, I’ll just sit here then’.’’
Loneliness was not difficult to talk about, but it was not easy to make sense of the feelings, she said.
‘‘There’s not a lot to do for single parents. It’s hard because people will tell me to go out, but then you go out, and you’re by yourself,’’ Stent said.
‘‘You feel like a loser, and you see all these families and spiral, well me personally. But then you stay home, and you go, ‘I’m just at home’ and I don’t talk to a single adult.’’ It felt as though she lived a ‘‘weird double life’’, Stent said.
‘‘There’s a lot of shame around loneliness, but we’re all lonely sometimes,’’ she said.