Bedtime debate: Why my son shares my bed and still breastfeeds
Mums who advocate ‘‘attachment parenting’’ are ignoring strong advice not to share their beds with babies.
Lucy AitkenRead shares her bed with her partner and their two children. Their bed is a queen and king mattress pushed together.
While pregnant, she discovered attachment parenting, which aims to promote a close relationship between a baby and its parents.
This includes bed-sharing, and breastfeeding her three-year-old Juno. Her 5-year-old, Ramona, has the option to be breastfed but is no longer interested.
Bed-sharing (or co-sleeping) is contentious, and coroners warn against it.
But the Waikato mother believes this approach is best for her children. ‘‘Children thrive on not being alone at night-time. When the children stir we don’t have to leave our bed to comfort them,’’ she said.
‘‘We are really happy to be led by our children’s needs.
‘‘The second they say ‘we need our own room’ we will do that.’’
There have been at least 15 recommendations or comments from coroners since 2008 about the importance of education on the dangers of sleeping with a baby, particularly after the parent has been drinking alcohol.
In 2013, deaths from co-sleeping were termed an ‘‘epidemic’’ by coroner Wallace Bain.
SIDS and Kids chief executive Margret Free said there should be no co-sleeping in New Zealand at all.
She said the number of deaths it caused had been dropping and she believed it was a direct result of the coronial inquiries.
But Hamilton mother Emily Holdaway, who started sharing a bed with her son Ziggy Jay when he was about four months old, said child safety experts should not promote a universal ban on co-sleeping.
‘‘You’re going to get exhausted parents who are at the end of their tether who bring that baby into their bed because it’s the only way they are going to get any sleep, and potentially not have the knowledge to do it as safely as they could.’’
Holdaway said that when she started bed-sharing with her baby, she did not tell anyone because of the stigma surrounding co-sleeping.
‘‘But I’ve recently realised that a lot of parents do. You sort of talk about it and see how the other parent reacts,’’ she said.
‘‘You see this huge look of relief. I
We are really happy to be led by our children’s needs. The second they say ‘we need our own room’ we will do that.
Lucy AitkenRead
think it’s a bit sad that it’s not spoken about.
‘‘That’s when people don’t realise how to do it safely.’’
Waikato District Health Board midwife Margaret Fletcher said she understood some mothers were reluctant to admit to bed-sharing.
The DHB recommends separate sleeping spaces for babies.
It recommends the infant sleeps in its own bed, face up, face clear, in a space that is smoke-free and free of the risk of wedging.
Fletcher said the DHB’s advice to mothers was to make the environment safe in advance of one-off occasions when they might sleep with their baby.
Research showed that the danger arose at those times, when the mother was tired and made snap decisions, she said.
Fletcher said mothers and babies are assessed for risk and if they fit the criteria, they are offered a Pepi-pod, a bassinet-like item designed to stop caregivers rolling onto babies when they are in the same bed.