Is it time to play your Trump card?
Test your memory and amaze your friends in the 2016 Quiz of the Year
1 Here are some of the unbelievable things we learnt in 2016. So which one do you reckon is just made up? A The president of the Philippines has personally murdered criminal suspects. B The next president of the United States, when socialising with women, likes to ‘‘grab ‘em by the pussy’’. C The supreme leader of North Korea had a senior official executed this year for slouching. D The UK foreign secretary recently called the Turkish president a ‘‘wankerer’’ (rhymes with Ankara). E A private collector purchased his 1277th piece of fossilised poo, earning himself a Guinness World Record. F There are still some people who are playing Poke´mon Go.
2 What phrase did John Key use to describe his caucus colleagues in his prime-ministerial farewell speech? A ‘‘Talented and eager to serve’’. B ‘‘A basket of deplorables’’. C ‘‘Corrupted by human sin’’. D ‘‘Crooked, unfit to serve, too weak to lead’’.
3 One of the most significant musical compositions of 2016 was a paean to a writing implement and two different types of fruit. The trio in question were: A Charcoal stick, starfruit, blueberry B Pen, pineapple, apple C Pencil, crabapple, mango D Crayon, rhubarb, breadfruit
4 Taika Waititi’s awesome movie Hunt for the Wilderpeople was based on a book by which famous New Zealand writer? A Barry Crump B Lynley Dodd C Janet Frame D Eleanor Catton E Bob Jones
5 TV3’s Patrick Gower travelled all the way to Florida to reveal that some of Donald Trump’s supporters are abusive, ignorant men waving red banners. Which of the following was Gower NOT accused of being? A Disgusting B Someone who would sell out their children’s food C Part of the lying Clinton media D Washed up
6 After pre-release controversies about an endomorphic Maui and zip-on Polynesian bodysuits, Disney’s Moana is almost upon us. Tem Morrison plays Moana’s Dad; Taika Waititi was a scriptwriter, Rachel House and Oscar Kightley are in the credits, but my question is this: what kind of animal is Tamatoa, the villainous character voiced by Jemaine Clement? A A turtle B A crab C A parrot D A hiphopapotamus
7 ‘‘I’ve made a huge mistake?’’ Who said this, and when? A All Black Aaron Smith – after getting busted for a clandestine hookup in an airport toilet cubicle. B Some nosey-parker with a camera – after hearing a ‘‘rhythmic tapping’’ from the toilet cubicle, taking a photo of Smith, then contacting media. C Some journalist – after taking the call from the nosey-parker who took the photo of Smith. D The prime minister – after publicly commenting on the story by the journalist who took the call from the guy who took the photo of Smith. E You – after choosing to read the article containing the quotes from the PM about the cat that killed the rat that ate the malt that lay in the house that Aaron built.
8 Who was the narrator, presenter and co-director of Tickled – that weird and brilliant documentary about the ‘‘competitive endurance tickling’’ industry? A David Farrar B David Farrier
9 Which of the following was found in the waters of Guanabara Bay in the leadup to the 2016 Rio Olympics? A Human adenoviruses and drugresistant super-bacteria B A corpse C Raw sewage D All of the above
10 Which of the following is not a motto (either actual or proposed) for Auckland City? A City of Sails B Little Big City C The Place Desired by Many D Big Little City
11 ‘‘All I can say is that I gave it everything I had. I left nothing in the tank.’’ Who said this, and about what? A Disappointed Indycar racer Scott Dixon, shortly before firing his pit crew. B Exhausted method actor Jemaine Clement, after spending 43 minutes holding his breath underwater while getting into character as the villainous crab Tamatoa in Moana. (OK, now you know the answer to Q6. Sue me.) C Auckland mayoral candidate John Palino after being pipped to third place by the umlautted upstart Chlo¨ e Swarbrick, and way behind Phil Goff and Vic Crone. D A relaxed John Key, on his decision to bail out as PM of NZ just when his glorious 1000-year reign was just getting started.
12 Which of the following important social phenomena was NOT popularised on YouTube in 2016? A The ice-bucket challenge B The one-finger selfie challenge C The running man challenge D The bottle-flip challenge
13 In November we farewelled singer Ray Columbus. Four decades ago he invented a dance move that swept the globe (or was at least quite popular throughout Upper Hutt). What was that move called? A The Space Invasion B The Mods Nod C The Columbus Criss-Cross D The Fab Dab
14 In a characteristically cocky bit of acronymising, cat-hating revolutionary millionaire Gareth Morgan has called his new political party ‘‘TOP’’. What does that stand for? A The Opportunistic Party B The Oligarch’s Party C The O-for-Awesome Party D The Opportunities Party
15 And for an easy bonus point, what is Morgan’s middle name? A Dafydd B Culhwch C Huw D Ercwlff
16 David Bowie, Prince Rogers Nelson and Leonard Norman Cohen were each prolific musical geniuses who died in 2016, and they each had a remarkable number of alternative names. Which of these trios of nicknames for Bowie/Prince/ Cohen, contains one I’ve just made up. A David Robert Jones / TAFKAP / Master of the Egg Salad Sandwich B Major Tom / Skipper/ The Maestro of Melancholy C Aladdin Sane / Captain Manic / Jikan the Useless Monk D Thin White Duke / Alexander Nevermind / Laughing Len
17 TV’s The Real Housewives of Auckland were so real they each had an official tagline so you could tell them apart. Which of these uplifting catchphrases was attributed to Iranian-born children’s author and mansion-dweller Gilda Kirkpatrick? A ‘‘I’m like a fine champagne, I bubble, I fizz, and I’m the life of the party.’’ B ‘‘I made my money the old-fashioned way, I inherited it.’’ C ‘‘If people are talking behind your back, then you’re the one in front.’’ D ‘‘I never start a fight I can’t win.’’
18 Kirkpatrick is author of two comic-style sci-fi books about eight cosmic superheroes, each based on a planet. What are the superheroes called? A The Astarons B The Galaxicos C The Solaristas D The Planetons
Which of the following shows was actually broadcast on New Zealand TV this year?
A Filthy Laundry: A gripping comedydrama about a West Auckland family who inherit a chain of coin-operated laundrettes then lose all their money because customers prefer Paywave.
B Westside: A new season of the gripping local drama based on the dynasty of petty criminals popularised in Outrageous Fortune. C Real Screenwriters of Grey Lynn: Gripping reality TV in which rival teams of writers are forced to share a cramped yet unaffordable central city villa and make repeated NZ on Air funding applications for series based on Outrageous Fortune. D Paua Rescue: A gripping fly-on-theseafloor doco about the loves, lives and seafood recipes of the Kaikoura locals who rescued millions of quake-displaced molluscs.
Frenchman Cedric Claude Rene Rault-Verpre got very angry in September and ended up in court. What was his boeuf?
A He knocked a police officer’s hat off, after being fined for illicit freedom camping in Nelson.
B He attacked a sign, after waiting four days for a lift out of Punakaiki.
C He destroyed a rubbish bin, after waiting 30 minutes for a Big Mac in Otorohanga.
D He smashed a shop window, after failing to blow on his pie in Oamaru and burning his mouth.
When Steven Joyce was hit by a wobbly rubber penis thrown by a TPP protester, he suggested someone send the footage to US satirist John Oliver, and they did. But to what tune did a gospel choir then sing a song about dildos during Oliver’s extended, eye-popping skit in celebration of the sex-toy assault? A My Ding-a-Ling, by Chuck Berry B Sledgehammer, by Peter Gabriel C Detachable Penis, by King Missile D The Hallelujah Chorus, by George Frideric Handel
What was the name of the stripper whose unpleasant experiences at the Chiefs’ ‘‘Mad Monday’’ celebration alerted New Zealand to the little-known fact that rugby culture is rife with drunkenness, misogyny, homophobia and general wankerishness? A Magenta B Azure C Scarlette D Indigo
What was it Max Key yelled out the window at those cyclists?
A ‘‘Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving! Keep it up, guys’’ B ‘‘Real men ride women!’’ C ‘‘A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle!’
D ‘‘New Zealand is an outstanding visitor destination – and there’s no doubt that one of the best ways to explore it is by cycling!’’
E ‘‘Look at me! Look at me! It’s me! Please, look at me!’’
In April a whistleblower at a Panama law firm leaked documents on the financial misdeeds of the world’s leaders, criminals and super-rich. What was the firm called? A Tupac Baedeker B Mossad Heidsiecker C Mossack Fonseca D Cossack Fundmanager
What made Te Papa suddenly realise the singlet it had offered to buy for $122,500 was a fake, and not actually the one Peter Snell wore while winning the Tokyo Olympics 1500m in 1964?
A It was made of nylon, when Snell’s actual singlet was cotton.
B The shirt had a ‘‘red peak’’ logo on it, when Snell’s actual singlet had a silver fern.
C It was made of cotton, when Snell’s actual singlet was nylon.
D The ‘‘Made in China’’ tag inside the collar.
In December last year NZ chose its preferred option for a new flag, but in March we said ‘‘naah it sucks, let’s just stick with the old one’’. Of the five options offered in that first flag referendum, how many contained exactly three colours (I’m counting black and white as colours). A1, B 2, C 3, D 4, E 5
Which of the following is true?
A Adele won the 2016 Nobel Peace Prize for ‘‘totally nailing her Carpool Karaoke slot’’.
B Coldplay’s Chris Martin won the 2016 Nobel Prize in Medicine for ‘‘reducing the need for medication in insomniacs worldwide’’.
C Bob Dylan won the 2016 Nobel Prize in Literature for creating ‘‘new poetic expressions within the great American song tradition’’.
D Vladimir Putin won the 2016 Nobel Prize in Medicine for ‘‘keeping the hospitals full in Syria’’.
What unwelcome thing was found in the All Blacks’ meeting room in Sydney before the Bledisloe Cup opening match? A John Key B A full-sized cutout photo of Richie McCaw C An audio bugging device D Twenty-three gift-wrapped and signed copies of Dan Carter’s autobiography
On the night that The Real Housewives of Auckland was launched, Mark Weldon quit as CEO of MediaWorks. Which of the following statements about Weldon is NOT true?
A Weldon has a Central Otago vineyard that sells wine under the brand ‘‘Terra Nullius’’.
B Mark Weldon was once CEO of the New Zealand Stock Exchange.
C Mark Weldon once swam the length of an Olympic-sized swimming pool in 23.87 seconds.
D Under Mark Weldon, MediaWorks lost TV3 anchors John Campbell, Hilary Barry and Carolyn Robinson, its news boss Mark Jennings and an entire investigative reporting team, but hired Rachel Glucina.
Which of the following lines of poetry by prominent New Zealanders were written by Colin Craig? A ‘‘I suckled you / with potent milk / of truth and learning.’’ B ‘‘There is only one of me, it’s true / But I wish this were not the case, because I wish I could have you.’’ C ‘‘Monica / Monica / Monica / Monica / Monica Geller off popular sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S / Is one of the worst characters in the history of television’’ D ‘‘and Quardle oodle ardle wardle doodle / The magpies said’’