The grinches and other awards from a year of upsets
Hamish Bond shows how a sports swap should be done.
Time for reflection, time for a break next weekend, time for awards.
Grinches of the Year: Shared equally by Sir Robert Jones and Lance Revill. Jones for his suggestion that Joseph Parker’s WBO title was ‘‘a joke’’ and Revill for saying Parker’s win made him ‘‘embarrassed to be a Kiwi.’’
The big disclaimer that should run every time Jones or Revill speaks out on Parker is that Jones was once a member of Parker’s management team, and Revill was once Parker’s trainer. The key words here are ‘‘was once’’.
Hey Hayne Train, This Is How You Swap Sports Award: Hamish Bond wins rowing gold with Eric Murray in Rio, then decides he might give cycling a bit of a nudge. He finishes eighth in a field of 120 in the Tour of Southland, placing third in one stage and fourth in another, then blitzes the field to win the Abel Tasman challenge at the start of this month. His aim now? The cycling time trial at the Tokyo Olympics.
Quote of the Year: Scott Robertson, asked by Tony Veitch if his wife helped him fill in the form to apply for the Crusaders’ coaching job. ‘‘Yep. She’s a very clever woman. She’s got a double degree. Hers and mine.’’
The Shiver Looking For a Spine to Run Up Award: The IOC who, in the face of overwhelming evidence that Russia was back to running an Iron Curtain-style doping regime, chickened out on a full ban for Rio. Could the fact that, on the other hand, the Russians were banned from the infinitely less wealthy Paralympics be connected in any way with the huge money, and decades of graft, that mark the IOC?
Not Too Good to Be True Award: Eliza McCartney. My apologies in advance for the name-dropping, but how wonderful to be told privately by Valerie Adams that McCartney is actually as goodhearted behind the scenes as she appears to be in the public arena. And Valerie, herself genuinely as wonderful as her warm image, would recognise a decent person when she sees one.
Family Ties Award: Lydia Ko. We’re all heard of stage mothers. What’s a little weird about the stories swirling around the Ko clan, most of them told by insiders with regret rather than glee, is that in Lydia’s case it’s more a stage father and stage sister.
Donald Trump Truthiness Award: So the Rio Olympics were supposed to be plagued by violence and a terrifying mosquito virus? In the end the only thing close to unpleasantness the media beat-up before the Games promised turned out to be a nasty little dyed jerk of an American called Ryan Lochte, who, with a phrase Trump would have been proud of, said he hadn’t been lying about being held up, he just ‘‘should have been more careful with how I described it’’.
Fooled You Award: The year of the great upsets? Leicester City win the premier league, the Cubs win the world series, the Cavaliers win the NBA finals, Ireland beat the All Blacks. The Black Caps win . . . oh no . . . that’s right, in the Hadlee-Chappell series the underdogs played like underdogs.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Will Be Along Shortly Then We’ll Know The World Is Really Ending Award: To the IOC, for looking to make cheerleading an Olympic sport.
Golden DNA Award: The Barretts. Given the chance to start for the All Blacks, Beauden fully deserved his world player of the year award. Then his younger but bigger brother Scott stepped into the All Blacks like he’d been there for years. And in the Naki there are some who suggest young Jordie might be the best of the lot. The secret? Father Kevin told an Irish journalist, ‘‘There were no Playstations at home, just go outside and kick a ball round.’’