Guy Williams
isclaimer: Due to the outrage and deep hurt that I caused with last year’s list, I will not be referring to myself as the new Jesus this year. The good news is that I’m still coming in hot with unsolicited advice for you and your many problems! Like a man much older than myself (that is, Paul Henry or Gareth Morgan) I think that what I have to say is important and that I have the answers. There are three obvious secrets to becoming successful in life: 1) A little bit of hard work. 2) A pinch of natural talent. And 3) Being a man. Preferably a white man in a country where most of the population is white also. I have focused mainly on No 3 and life has worked out great! Those of you who read my resolutions for 2016 will already know that my attempts to achieve them can be described an unmitigated disaster. In 2016 I failed to get my no regrets tattoo removed, I didn’t play a test for the All Blacks, and I am no closer to replacing Nadia Lim as New Zealand’s official avocado ambassador. This is why it’s better to keep on moving forward, looking in the rear view mirror will only raise problematic questions like: ‘‘Is that dude dead or just severely injured?’’ Without further ad-doo, my New Year’s revolutions for 2017, may they inspire you as much as they have inspired me:
15.
16.
I think that what I have to say is important and that I have the answers.