Hey, did you just give me the finger?
Icut in on another car on the motorway this week. I’d failed to notice our two lanes were merging, so I was forced to pull in front of him.
I’d done bad and wanted to give him a contrite, apologetic wave. The trouble was, I mused, it might look like I was being a smart-ass: cutting in, flipping him a smarmy gesture, planting my foot and accelerating off into the distance.
I start with this story of my own failings, because I wouldn’t want to suggest that any of our readers would make mistakes behind the wheel. God forbid. I’m sure you are all unfailingly exemplary drivers, regrettably forced to share the roads with half-blind buffoons who clearly got their driving licences in a cornflakes packet.
New Zealand driving actually seems to have improved in recent years. We’ve slowed down, we indicate more, we let people into the line of traffic more, and when someone else lets us in, we wave our thanks. What we’re not good at, however, is accepting criticism.
Today we report some tips from overseas drivers that would help Kiwis drive more safely. Keep your headlights on 24/7, flick on your hazards at the end of a tailback, don’t overtake on the left ...
Some will bridle at the perceived criticism. How very dare they!
At the height of last year’s vicious vigilante enthusiasm for grabbing car keys from overseas drivers who were deemed below par, Prime Minister John Key was forced to point out that Kiwi drivers were just as bad as tourist drivers, if not worse. Nobody thanked him for that. Driving cars brings out a streak of uncompromising, unforgiving (and often delusional) self-belief. In our daily lives, we may be able to admit to ourselves that we’re not the world’s best at cooking or cleaning or DIY, but we kid ourselves that we’re good drivers.
When someone else cuts in on us on the motorway, or fails to give way, or uses the wrong turning lane, we fume with rage.
We don’t consider that they might have their own story – the cliche of the husband rushing his pregnant wife to hospital. Nor are we willing to cut them some slack for making simple errors.
Yet we can usually excuse the same mistakes in our own driving.
The increasingly common ‘‘thank you’’ wave when someone is let into the traffic flow is a hopeful sign that we are learning to think of others when we drive.
Now we need a similar wave of apology when we make a mistake.
Waving to people on the roads may seem a trivial thing to talk about on the weekend Donald Trump is sworn in as President, and violent protests erupt on the streets of America.
But if we can learn empathy for a motorist who accidentally blocks the intersection when the lights change, perhaps too we can empathise with those from different walks of life, different religious and political persuasions, different races and nationalities.
If we can give a sympathetic wave to that driver, stuck red-faced in the middle of the intersection, then perhaps this election year we can also avoid some of the anger and schisms in our community that have so riven the United States.