Honk if you get the local lingo
Nothing says ‘welcome travellers’ like a chorus of beeps, toots and honks.
I’m hopeless at languages. I’m good for only a ‘‘hello’’, ‘‘thank you very much’’ and a ‘‘goodbye’’ in whatever the local tongue is. Often even these are muddled and I will bid farewell to a waiter when they set down my entree ‘‘ciao, ciao, ciao’’.
But one dialect I dabble quite well in is that of the tourist driver, most notably the excessive use of shrugs, gesticulating wildly, and honking with gay abandon.
However honking, unlike a smile or a fist shake, does not mean the same thing all over the globe. And ignorance of this cultural nuance can lead to unwarranted stress, prangs, fights and injury when driving abroad.
In Thailand, in streets awash with taxis and tuk-tuks the endless short, sharp toots are more a cheery ‘‘Hi, how are ya? I’m here. Please keep your motorbike no more than one centimetre away from my bumper at all times. Hi, again. Yes, still me. How do you balance all those chicken coops without a trailer?’’ Anyone scared of getting a few toots wouldn’t survive two minutes from the car rental kiosk. Proceed with caution. Embrace the toot toot.
In California, there is nothing friendly about a honk from a stranger. In my experience, the long howling honks (offensive hand signals optional) means: ‘‘You f ....... moron, driving on the wrong side of the road (again), what the hell is wrong with you?’’ Subtlety is not the strong suit of some Americans. Or manners.
In Montenegro, as we zoomed up a new motorway towards the capital old habits (formed when overtaking on the old metal road was a death wish) were still apparent. A friendly, chirpy honkhonk indicated the best time to pass – tooting between cars was just the conversation of octogenarian men outside bars continuing over tar seal.
In England, as you would expect, drivers are unfailingly polite – right up until they encounter a cyclist in London. Aggressive honking, screaming out windows – and worse – occurs when otherwise prim and proper residents encounter somebody zipping around in lycra on two wheels. A honk here is more an audio twofingered salute than the Thai-style friendly greeting.
In Italy, there is the same contrast energetic honking, but with none of the friendly chirpiness of Bangkok. An opera of horns in Rome. Matched only by the heavy hand gesticulating out of the driver window. It’s enough to make you drive around a five-lane roundabout for eternity.
Driving overseas, even away from the horn choruses of the city, can be a headache. But it can also take you to some great, relatively untouched, parts of countries. Follow these simple rules (compiled with help from comparetravelinsurance.co.nz) so you can toot your own horn about your overseas driving abilities. Email if you have a travel issue you’d like Josh Martin, a London-based travel journalist, to write about.