Blonde a tangled mess
Is that New Order playing in the opening scene? Great song, but I do hope they’re not going to try to win us over with a cool, throwback soundtrack.
Wait, now some Bowie. Yup, they are. Is this movie going to be all style over…? No, give it a chance. Theron’s MI6 agent, Lorraine Broughton (who the heck calls an action heroine ‘‘Lorraine’’?) looks cold, ruthless and angular. That seems appropriate for a Cold War spy thriller. Nice old-school genre. A good start.
Hmmm, John Goodman is playing himself playing a CIA agent. Suddenly this film feels more like a caricature of Bourne. And Bond. Only without knowing winks and charismatic performances a la The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
What is with McAvoy’s slippery posh accent and ghastly faux-fur coat? Are we really meant to think he’s a tough guy? Hang about – now Theron’s accent is skidding all over the show worse than McAvoy’s Porsche.
There may be a story here, but I can’t hear it over the deafening period pop and blinding lens flare.
Cue: more unimaginative, gratuitous beatings amongst the subtitles.
Note to the director (whose long career as a stunt double should have rung warning bells about his inability to direct either a script or usually decent actors): if you want us to pay attention to presumably plotadvancing information, don’t play it while the camera lingers on a seminaked Theron wiring herself for sound.
This is getting all a bit confusing – hard to tell whether this music video is advertising cigarettes or ladies’ underwear. Wait a minute – let’s attempt some cultural clout by having her engage in a lacklustre fight against the backdrop of a Tarkovsky film. They said she was supposed to be kick-ass!
And then! Suddenly, a terribly wellexecuted, one-shot fight scene which is exciting more for its considerable technical prowess than its action.
Too many wigs; too many twists; too few reasons to care. Atomic Blonde does look great. It’s just a shame that ultimately what we’re looking at feels so irrelevant. – Sarah Watt