Getting outside my silo

And then, in an instant, the election campaign became exciting again, writes David Slack.

AWellington man woke up this week to find the caravan he was sleeping in was on the move, hooked to the towbar of some crim’s ute, headed up the Wainuiomata hill. Trev. Haven’t the last few years felt a bit like that to all of us? How exciting to discover now, when we come to a stop, that we’re parked next to Jacinda Ardern. Look at her cheerful little red campaign caravan, lovingly restored, all shiny and jaunty and fresh and new again! The metaphors just write themselves this week.

Are you feeling the burn? Freshly engaged? Are you one of the thousands who’ve made a donation or signed up as a volunteer? You hear people saying they might vote this time after all, and you think: this is how it works when someone hits the right button.

Election campaigns had become so very sad. Muldoon could get 5000 people to a wool store with a few charts about inflation, but the age of the big rally seemed gone. All that was left for a politician was to find a spot on the side of a busy Auckland arterial road, wave a placard feebly at commuters, hope they’d toot.

But just like that, elections are fun again! Same length as a reality TV show season, and almost better, because The Block might taunt you with a house but Jacinda, well, maybe she’ll get you one.

This column covered need-to-know questions about the coming election the week before last. You can biff all that out the window. Now we have an EXCITING election, and we need to start again. Here are the big questions people are asking. What can we expect in the next six weeks? Week 1: National will promise to spend an extra $2.6 billion on roads. Jacinda will speak clearly and from the heart about housing. Week 2: National will promise to spend an extra $4.6 billion on roads. Jacinda will speak clearly and from the heart about poverty. Week 3: National will promise to spend an extra $6.6 billion on roads. Jacinda will speak clearly and from the heart about Metiria. Week 4: National will promise to spend an extra $8.6 billion on roads. Jacinda will speak clearly and from the heart about getting people out of cars. She will promise to put the $8.6 billion into housing. Week 5: Mike Hosking will reveal he is paid $8.6 billion. Week 6: Mike Hosking will reveal he is pregnant. If this business about babies comes up again, what should the media be asking? If you are a news presenter and suspect you are an unreconstructed reactionary, you should take the advice of an eloquent feminist such as Michele A’Court. She suggests asking: ‘‘You’ve said you might like to have a family. What would you need to Look at her cheerful little red campaign caravan, lovingly restored, all shiny and jaunty and fresh and new again! The metaphors just write themselves this week. change about your workplace to make that possible?’’ That sounds good. Does she have any more?Yes, she also suggests not asking: ‘‘You want the big job but will you flop out a baby and sit on the sofa once we give it to you, you selfish cow?’’ Does honesty pay? If you’re a comedian, yes. If you’re Andrew Little or Metiria Turei, no. I’m worried this election I won’t be able to stop at the the lights without getting hassled. What do I do? The law has changed! A windowwasher can no longer hassle you. No I meant a politician. How can I tell the difference? If they’re spitting on your window, they are a window washer. If they have a placard they’re a politician. Although if they have a placard and they’re also spitting on your window, they could be Gareth Morgan. Does Jonathan Coleman care about the mentally ill or is he blowing smoke? How do you mean? That was just a crack about how he was at a corporate box with big tobacco once. But seriously, what’s up with mental health funding? You have to wonder. All that earthquake trauma and suffering in Canterbury, and no extra funding? Seriously? And now he appoints someone else to chair the DHB instead of Mark Solomon? Didn’t a Treasury report find his mental health strategy not ‘coherent’ two months before Budget? They did. It’s almost like he’s had his caravan hooked up and driven away.

If the papers are to be believed, Jacinda Ardern is the saviour of the Labour Party. If my Facebook feed is right, she’s the saviour of the country, and if you ask Twitter, you can make that the human race.

Everyone is talking about Jacinda, right? But if last year’s US election taught me anything, it’s that we’re now living in silos, our own little online echo chambers where we think everyone thinks like we do.

Radio New Zealand this week ran some tips on how to step outside that echo chamber. First, acknowledge you live in a bubble. OK, yes probably – check.

The next piece of advice, from comedian James Nokise, was ‘‘leave your social bubble and just people-watch. I’m a great fan of just sitting in a cafe, peoplewatching and just listening to other people, eavesdropping.’’

So I did. Feeling like ‘‘M’’ had sent me out on a secret intelligence mission, I found a cafe and, probably looking slightly shifty, settled in to do some professional earwigging.

A white Ferrari sat outside, the staff chatted to one customer about the latest Tesla, a well made-up woman wearing activewear discussed eyewateringly expensive accommodation.

Then a middle-aged guy in painting overalls, and an older guy with a deep voice and a jaunty scarf, sat down and loudly discussed the woman of the hour.

‘‘Bit soon for her, but she might grow into the job’’ mused the older gent.

‘‘Makes me feel like an underachiever, 37, and leading the party,’’ said the guy in overalls. So far, so echo-ey. But then, ‘‘She’s attractive, isn’t she?’’ ‘‘I dunno, is she, with those teeth?’’ ‘‘Hmm, telegenic and nice, anyway’’ ‘‘Too nice for a brutal game’’ ‘‘Wonder what her boyfriend’s like?’’ They stop short of mentioning her womb and to be fair, went on to discuss Gareth Morgan’s looks, before turning to immigration and over-qualified taxi drivers.

Taxi drivers, now there’s an idea. Who talks to a wider variety of people than a taxi driver? I summon an Uber and open the lines of communication with some sparkling banter: ‘‘Looks like the weather’s closing in huh?’’

He’s Fijian, owns an exporting business and has lived in New Zealand for 20 years. He brings up Jacinda, telling me her inexperience is no problem and anyway, ‘‘Winston would be a great deputy. He could help guide her’’. I try to imagine such a magnanimous version of Winston.

I try another cafe, one where the flashest car is a cut out of a Cadillac on the wall and people in collared shirts are interspersed with people in high-vis vests tucking into savouries.

They talk a bit about work, their bosses and cars as they roll cigarettes. I stay an hour, tables turn over, but no-one mentions Jacinda.

This feels foreign, no-one I’ve spoken to all week has failed to mention her. Instead they’re focused on how much they need a proper, good, long holiday.

That’s something I’m happy to have reverberate around my echo chamber. If last year's US election taught me anything, it's that we're now living in silos, our own little online echo chambers where we think everyone thinks like we do.