A vine romance
Nelson is basically the Trump of New Zealand towns – say what you want, hope nobody checks.
‘‘I’ll have the Nelson sauvignon blanc’’ said no-one ever.
There’s a reason Marlborough sav is so damn good, and that’s the climate.
Two things in particular give the region’s famed plonk its signature zing; lots of sunshine and very little rain.
It wasn’t happen-chance that Marlborough became New Zealand’s leading wine region. Those early winemaking settlers sought out the perfect place to build an empire, and it wasn’t in Nelson.
Still not convinced? Here’s some cold, hard facts. Well, actually, warm, hard facts.
In the past decade, Blenheim has recorded nearly 300 hours more sunshine than Nelson. FACT.
Nelson hasn’t had a look-in since 2009, when it last won the sunshine crown (FACT). Hell, last year they came 10th (FACT), beaten by New Plymouth (insert crying with laughter emoji).
Blenheim last claimed the top hotspot in 2015 (FACT) with a whopping 2814 hours of glorious sun, a score only bettered once, by a suspect newcomer.
The tiny town of Richmond, close to Nelson, only installed a recorder halfway through 2015 and has won the title both years since.
Someone needs to check that dial. Something is rotten in the state of Tasman, methinks.
The whole ‘Richmond Incident’ (as I like to call it) stinks of the 2008 controversy when winner Whakatane was later disqualified for having a faulty recorder. Guess who the rightful winner was that year?
To be fair, Whakatane is probably Blenheim’s biggest rival for the country’s sunshine crown after going on a five-year hot streak from 2009 to 2014. But can any Whakatane readings really be trusted ever again? Funny how Whakatane’s sunshine has waned in recent years, coinciding with Richmond’s rise. Whatever happened to that dodgy dial in Whakatane?
But get this – Nelson, trailing the big boys by 300-odd hours last year, tried to ride the coat-tails of little brother Richmond, claiming a combined ‘Tasman’ effort took out the title. Ha ha ha, classic Nelson.
They just talk a good game that side of the Whangamoas, like their claim to be some sort of South Island arts and craft mecca. Have you been to their precious Saturday morning market? Spoiler alert, the Coke can aeroplanes are the coolest things there.
Nelson is basically the Trump of New Zealand towns – say what you want, hope nobody checks.
‘‘I am the sunniest person you will meet. Believe me, no-one is sunnier than me.’’
Let me tell you, roll on next year when Blenheim gets its own Kmart. Then Nelson will finally be out of our lives for good.