A group called In Sync
Aword of warning as you begin to read this column, I’m on day 17 of my cycle. I know that seems like too much to reveal, but I have to say that, because I have alpha ovaries. So, there’s a good chance that any women reading this column right now are syncing up with me. Honestly, I went to Outward Bound once and it was a blood bath. In every flat I’ve ever lived in, each woman has, without much delay, synced cycles.
It’s a completely wonderful and inexplicable phenomenon. Continue reading at your own peril.
I don’t understand how it happens or why it happens, but the result is a powerful connection and a very tense week of friendship.
The thing about PMS is that when you have it, you don’t care who else has it. When I have period pain, or am in a bad mood, I don’t care about anyone else’s period pain or their bad mood. I just want them to feel bad for me. In that sense, syncing up is pretty bad, as the worst thing a person can say to me when I say I have period pain is, ‘‘me too’’. And not just because those words will never sound the same again. It’s because I want to be special. Misery enjoys company, but misery also enjoys being the centre of attention.
This is why it’s such an honour to have the alpha ovaries in my group of friends. I’m part of the pack, while at the same time, as its leader, remain distinct from it.
Over the years I’ve received a good deal of public and private criticism for this statement. This is mostly because I bring it up in public and in private. The general shared sentiment is that there are no such thing as alpha ovaries. ‘‘There is no leader, you’re making it up and you have no proof,’’ cry many of my beta ovaried friends. But their cries are just their fool hardy denial of objective fact.
Yes, a cycle is technically a circle and that makes it hard to find where it starts and where it ends. However, if you think of a period cycle as less of an abstract circle and more as a roll of sticky tape, then suddenly it all makes sense. Yes, sometimes you have to turn the roll of sticky tape round and round in your hands before you find the start, but eventually you always get there. I guess what I’m saying is that my period is the start of the tape.
Whether you believe me or not, the truth is, we are all syncing. I don’t know why and I don’t know how. I read one theory that suggests that the practice of syncing cycles comes from the animal kingdom. Females cycles would sync, so that they would all be ‘‘sexually receptive’’ at the same time, and thus less likely to be singled out by the men. It was essentially developed as a protective measure and really puts a dark spin on the whole phenomenon. The more likely example is that it comes from me and the strength of my ovaries.
Regardless of what you believe, me or the lies, it’s something that’s happening and should be monitored. It can make a friendship that much stronger or it can destroy with just one cycle.
That’s why I’ve recently synced not only cycles, but also apps. With a select group of friends, living on different sides of the world, we joined our period apps under the guise that knowledge is power. And with the knowledge of their cycle, and theirs of mine, we all know that there are approximately 27 days a month where it is best we don’t catch up.
But those other three days, those days are just filled with blissful, bloodless communication.
With a select group of friends, living on different sides of the world, we joined our period apps under the guise that knowledge is power... there are approximately 27 days a month where it is best we don’t catch up.