Probably need a rebrand
5 - 10 Mildly acceptable 10 - 15 The worst
5. Highlanders
What is a Highlander? No one knows, and let’s be honest, this name was probably mainly inspired by the Sean Connery film – and that’s fine until you realise they could be called the ‘‘Otago Goldfinger’’.
6. Jaguares
We’re getting into the animal teams now. It’s a dark place full of cliche and tedium, but at least the South Americans added a bit of local flair. Middle of the pack performance!
7. Lions / 8. Sharks / 9. Bulls
It’s like the South African teams didn’t even try. The Bulls used to be called the ‘‘Blue Bulls’’, but they had to change because everyone was calling them the ‘‘Blue Balls’’.
10. Rebels
The only thing the Melbourne team are rebelling against is being good at rugby.
11. Stormers
Points on for originality. Points off for sounding like a Neo-Nazi blog.
12. Sunwolves
Apparently, they asked for submissions for this new club name. Unfortunately, none were any good.
13. Queensland Reds
The ‘‘Maroons’’ own this state. Queensland Reds sounds like a group of wines.
14. Crusaders
I’m not a historian but it’s awkward to name a team after the Crusades, plus I don’t think they made it to the South Island. I’ve written a whole article about this shambles of a name.
15. Blues
If ‘‘Blues’’ was a nickname for Auckland I might be cool with it, but it’s not. It’s just an opening for many horrific depression jokes and bad headlines. But even the newspapers have given up on the puns now.