Schedule a money management date night

You don’t have to be a financial clone of your partner, writes Hannah McQueen.

In the dating game, the closest you usually come to discussing finances is working out who will pick up the bill for the date.

Fair enough. It’s not exactly a sexy topic!

But there’s a case to be made for adding finances to the list of tricky subjects to navigate with a prospective partner – because it can have a major bearing on the success of a relationship.

Not only is financial stress now considered to be the number one cause of relationship breakdown, but a study of 12 million Americans found the higher the credit scores of each party at the start of a relationship, the less likely the couple would break up.

That’s not to say the richer you are the less likely you are to break up – the study controlled for other factors such as income and education.

It also found the closer your credit score is to your partner’s, the higher the likelihood of you staying together.

I’m not suggesting you rush off and get a credit check on your future spouse (although prospective employers often do), but because money can be an emotional topic fraught with difficulty, it’s worth making sure you’re on the same page.

I’ve written before about money personalities and natural tendencies – and joked the rebel/ spender/dreamer combo should be avoided! But having different money personalities doesn’t have to be a deal breaker.

If you’re a spender and your partner imposes their strict savings regime on you, it’s likely to feel like a financial straitjacket.

Spenders often benefit from being told what they need to hear from an impartial third party – just like you don’t want to hear weight-loss tips from your partner even though they’re thin.

A spender is not a lost cause or a liability – they just need a compelling reason not to spend, and they need to see results.

I’ve seen some couples where one earned all the money and the other spent it all – but they were happy with that. The problems arise when you’re not happy with what you’re achieving.

Making sure your financial values are aligned and you’re working towards the same goals is crucial.

Couples often try to reduce financial conflict by having one person manage the household books, but often that means one party is checked out, or not spending in line with the family’s means.

Plus, gone are the days when being in control of your household finances meant you would be sorted in retirement. Good management without a bigger strategy can still default to not achieving the bigger goals.

Whether you’ve been together a short time or a long time, it’s worth scheduling a regular financial date night.

Pay the bills and discuss your attitudes to money, whether you are happy with your career progression, what you fear and what you want – they all influence your behaviour.

Talking about money doesn’t have to be domestic drudgery, it should start with dreaming about what you want your lives to be like, before you plan how you will achieve it together.