Sorry seems to be the hardest word
Apologies if anyone named in this article takes offence, but there have been some shockingly inadequate expressions of regret.
Author and communications expert Bob Selden has just published a new book on language in leadership, Setting the tone from the top. He says the public apology is the classic example of where leaders can do well – or get it spectacularly wrong.
Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern’s heartfelt words over the murder of British backpacker Grace Millane made a near-perfect public apology.
Other apologies stood in stark contrast. He described some of the worst: 1 The apology of Wellington property managers Quinovic failed after an illjudged advertising campaign sympathising with landlords ‘‘financing your tenant’s social life’’, the deadbeat tenants portrayed by Ma¯ ori and Pasifika actors. ‘‘The message was not at all intended to be offensive towards tenants. Quinovic Te Aro highly values its tenants and once again we offer our sincere apologies for any offence this may have caused.’’ ‘‘Sincere’’, Selden said, simply reminded Kiwis (who ‘‘have pretty good bull .... detectors’’) Quinovic had done something that seemed untrustworthy.
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When Chiefs players were accused of sexually harassing a stripper, chief executive Andrew Flexman questioned the victim’s integrity and refused to apologise for her abuse because an inquiry couldn’t substantiate her claims. ‘‘I have accepted that I have made some comments that I regretted. There’s no doubt about that. I’ve apologised for that.’’
Selden said the handling of the allegations was a debacle. ‘‘They all entirely missed the point of an apology,’’ he said. ‘‘They were just covering their backs.’’
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David Cunliffe, then Labour leader, opened his speech to a Women’s Refuge with a sincere call for men to clearly condemn and shame the minority of abusers in their midst. ‘‘I’m sorry for being a man,’’ he said.
A poorly-phrased soundbite made it seem that being a man was, in itself, shameful – and that was all people remember, Selden said. ‘‘It was a very different message than he intended . . . but as a political leader, he should’ve been very aware of the soundbites in his speech.’’