Christmas crackers
Weird & wacky festive traditions
It occurred to me the other day while helping out behind the bar at my local bowls club, just how bonkers Kiwi Christmas celebrations can be. mean everything was your standard party at this time of year – tinsel on everything, not one but two Christmas trees, and carols and festive tunes blaring out of the speakers.
Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Walkin’ in a Winter Wonderland, White Christmas, even the now shunned Baby, it’s Cold Outside.
Yup, songs about freezing weather and blizzards, all while the smell of the barbie and the sizzle of sunburnt skin filled the air.
To anyone dropped into the room from outer space, it would be a bizarre sight – why are we singing these songs about snow at the beginning of summer?
Of course, each country has its own take on the festive period, and some are more off-centre than others. Here’s a look at five of the more unique ways Christmas is celebrated around the world.
The Christmas Poo
Long before Mr Hankey, the Christmas Poo, became a South Park tradition, an even more grim festival of faeces was happening.
In Catalonia, your average nativity scene has the usual suspects: Mary, Joseph, the baby Jesus, some donkeys, three wise men ... and someone taking a dump.
Wait now, what? Yes, you read right. This is the Caganer, a mischievous figure that translates directly to ‘‘the crapper’’.
He ‘‘poops’’ up (sorry) at certain areas around Spain, although the reason is shrouded in mystery. One of the more popular explanations is that he is ‘‘fertilising’’ the Earth.
It gets worse. Many Catalan homes also contain something called the ‘‘Caga Tio’’ or ‘‘poo log’’. This is an ornament that children beat with sticks on Christmas Day until it poops out presents. Delightful.
Itsy, bitsy spider
Most Christmas trees contain the same garish delights – tinsel, ornaments, some lights it took two hours to untangle. But in Ukraine there’s a special addition: cobwebs.
Bejewelled spiders mingle with artificial cobwebs and are considered good luck, except to arachnophobes.
The tradition is thanks to a ‘‘ye olde’’ folk tale. In it, a poor widow cannot afford to decorate a Christmas tree for her children.
As Donald Trump would say: ‘‘sad’’.
Then when the family wake on Christmas morning they find it covered in cobwebs. Once they open the shutters and light falls upon them, the cobwebs transfer into strands of gold and silver, bringing fortune to the family.
As Trump would say: ‘‘That was me, all me. I did that.’’
Cartoon quacks up a nation
Growing up in Ireland, Christmas Day revolves around the television, at least it always did in our household.
The most dramatic moments of the year always happened in the likes of Coronation Street,
EastEnders, and Fair City (an Irish soap). There was the big Christmas movie and probably a dusting off of a Vicar of Dibley episode.
In Sweden, the programme that stops the nation every year is ... a Donald Duck cartoon from 1958. Catchily titled Kalle Anka och hans vanner
onskar God Jul, aka Donald Duck and His Friends Wish You a Merry Christmas, this trip down memory lane stops the country dead at 3pm on Christmas Eve.
Nearly 50 per cent of Sweden’s population used to watch it, roughly the same as nearly every New Zealander. Every. Single. Person.
The tradition came about simply because it was the only time of year that a Disney movie or American cartoon would be shown on TV.
Remember, Sweden was the country that banned ET: The Extra-Terrestrial to kids because, well, they are Grinches (actually, the real reason was that the film ‘‘portrays adults as enemies of children’’, and those pesky youngsters could go all
Village of the Damned on us).
Bad Santa
Some European countries really seem to like it to be pretty morbid at this time of year, and nowhere fits that bill better than Austria.
That’s where we find the anti-St Nicholas, his evil doppelganger, a half goat, half demon, all-terrifying beast.
Instead of giving presents, Krampus punishes children who have been naughty all year, dragging them back to his lair.
That’s pretty dark, Austria, pretty dark.
To be fair, it’s not just Austria as Krampuslauf parades and festivals are held throughout central Europe at this time of year, as people dress up as the fearsome figure and chase others through the streets.
The legend was even turned into a recent US horror movie, filmed right here in New Zealand.
In a pickle
Getting pickled at Christmas may have a different, drunken meaning in New Zealand, but in some parts of the US it’s all part of decorating the tree.
Pickle ornaments are hidden, and tradition dictates that whoever finds them gets an extra present or will get good luck for the year.
Originally thought to be a German tradition (though it isn’t apparently), this started in the late 1800s when local store Woolworths started selling glass-blown decorative vegetables.
One origin comes from the US Civil War where a captured soldier begged for some food and a guard gave him a pickle, which he then credited for saving his life.
A more grim possible explanation comes from the Victorian era when St Nicholas found two boys who were murdered and put in a pickle barrel by an evil innkeeper.
Don’t worry, St Nick brought them back to life.