Foul wind blows through this stop-start tournament
Having never organised a Rugby World Cup I’m loath to point out its failings. But, I do have vast experience as a purchaser of dodgy consumer goods, so here we go.
It may be my fault; I took world cup to mean ‘‘pinnacle event’’ and rugby to mean ‘‘with the playing of rugby games a crucial element’’.
And then on Thursday, the looming Super Typhoon Hagibis caused two games to be cancelled, both matches involving elite sides.
For the first time in 32 years, RWC games were called off ‘‘on safety grounds’’. Not rescheduled, not moved, cancelled.
When World Rugby plopped its flagship tournament in the middle of typhoon season, it assured fans it had a Plan B; of course it did – it had years to think one up.
And now we know that Plan B = cancel the rugby, deflate the mood, upset sides clinging to their cup dreams by a thread, send Italian hero Sergio Parisse into retirement on a flat note.
Why was that the preferred contingency plan, given typhoon season was a well-known potential complication?
Other options would be too much of a logistical nightmare World Rugby indicated, even though it had planned the tournament for 10 years.
You might have thought playing rugby somehow, somewhere, some time might have been a core RWC value.
The All Blacks offered to play Italy a day early, but they saw tomorrow as a non-starter, being too close to the quarterfinals.
Imagine now, if World Rugby was a company producing and trying to sell showcase products, and operated in this consumerignoring fashion.
If it made the Apple Watch, World Rugby would likely omit the time-telling feature.
A World Rugby designed Ferrari sports car would have a top speed of 50kmh, and stall in the rain.
And if the film Joker was produced by World Rugby the painted anti-hero would get red carded early, leaving the audience sitting there wretchedly for another 60 minutes.
But it’s an ill wind that blows no-one any good, so here’s hoping Hagibis vacuums up every red and yellow card in Japan, shreds them and deposits them in Siberia.
Let’s have Hagibis then stymie World Rugby attempts to fly in a few more tonnes of their pesky cards, so the quarterfinals have to go ahead with 15 players against 15 players; rugby as God intended.
Let’s hope the typhoon snaps all audio feeds to the ref, so games don’t run for three hours due to the TMO calling for replays, which are as dire as scrum resets.
RWC 2019 has seen six red cards, with four other players subsequently suspended by judiciary, leading to calls for another way of assessing foul play.
If it was a really good wind, Hagibis would erase the muscle memory of every combatant, replacing it with a ‘‘must tackle low’’ obsession, so in the playoff stages the RWC can flower like Japanese cherry trees. Why? Because Japan is worth it. By all reports it has been a magnificent host, even as the Brave Blossoms have bloomed, outside teams have been embraced – loved even.
It was the host with the most, big crowds and impressive stadia. Only the weather has been like a Tomas Lavanini shoulder to the nose, with ballsoaping humidity and a tumultuous typhoon.
The rugby has leapt the cardcarrying officials and Mother Nature to deliver things of beauty: New Zealand v South Africa, Japan v Ireland, Wales v Fiji, France v Argentina, Wales v Australia.
Even Uruguay had a joyous win over Fiji, and lightweights Namibia lead the mighty All Blacks 3-0. Ok, they lost 71-9 but they LED 3-0.
Oh yes, and TJ Perenara’s wonderful try in the corner against Namibia, it improves on every viewing. Great rugby, let’s have more of it, not less.
Let’s hope the typhoon snaps all audio feeds to the ref, so games don’t run for three hours due to the TMO calling for replays.