Here’s how you can solve Brexit
agreements that will take forever and in all likelihood land you back in the end with the same set of obligations you had to start with.
Also, those people you’re giving the finger will get to go on using tax havens the EU was about to put out of bounds. Odd.
The real sticking point has proven to be Ireland, for the reason that on one piece of land you would have both EU and non-EU territory.
This necessitates a border, and despite all their best efforts to create a border-but-nota-border-to-be-sure, no-one’s getting their lorry through.
Is there a way to square this circle? I get some of my best ideas by sitting in bed in the morning drinking coffee, and by that I mean the person next to me comes up with them and I write them down. Karren has a suggestion. Why not make the whole of Ireland an EU zone, but also call Northern Ireland a UK state within a state? The Irish Sea becomes the border. Easy.
If you live in Northern Ireland you would be in the EU but would also retain the status of a UK citizen with a UK citizen’s entitlements, plus some added bonuses.
These bonuses would be accorded to you in order to assuage the deep hurt of being forced to remain behind in the hated, cursed EU which wants to ruin your lives, according to years of pure confection written by a Brussels journalist who went on to be prime minister.
Can’t be done? Think again. Ask the citizens of Bu¨ singen am Hochrhein how it works being a German exclave inside Switzerland and they’ll tell you sehr gut danke.
Why is this a good idea? Because everyone possibly gets what they want. You get your Brexit by making the border the Irish Sea, and you also get a little corner of some foreign EU field that is forever England.
And other people could move there too, for example retired Brexited Brits who will find themselves shut out of EU healthcare and having to sell their house on the Costa del Sol.
Northern Ireland, so long Britain’s neglected Cinderella, would find itself adorned with indulgences – hospitals, pensions, free packets of pork scratchings, you name it.
They’d have all the EU benefits, plus the fabulous advantages of being an indulged citizen of the UK. It might prove to be the best place to live in all of Europe.
It could be the start of a fabulous boom. And maybe if we play our cards right, us plucky Kiwis could get in on the action.
This tradie for one is ready to get amongst it and help put up some quality buildings worthy of respect.
Northern Ireland, so long Britain’s neglected Cinderella, would find itself adorned with indulgences.