Best, worst and oddest campaign moments
Worst billboard
National Party leader Todd Muller unveiled his hoardings on June 26 and quit less than three weeks later. There was no mucking about from Judith Collins who began putting up new election billboards four days after she became the party’s leader. Rumour has it Muller’s billboards were to be used in the construction of a new Motueka bridge.
Worst international assassin
Any hitman worth their salt knows the whole point of the gig is to be stealthy and secret so the one that Advance NZ co-leader Billy Te Kahika Jnr claims is targeting him takes out this award.
Worst typo
If the most embarrassing mistake you’ve ever made is typing ‘pubic’ instead of ‘public’, spare a thought for Labour who made a $140 billion blunder in their fiscal plan. Despite that, this award goes to National MP David Bennett who promised voters ‘‘lover taxes’’ in a newspaper ad. Typos are ducking annoying.
Honourable mention:
Billy TK says it was a typo on his CV that extended his time in the policefrom about three months to a year.
Best leaders’ debate
The best scrap was the one the New Conservative Party wasn’t in. Even the High Court wouldn’t let them join in on the TVNZ debate after the party was left off the invitation list. Party leader Leighton Baker – who says marriage should be only between a man and woman, and abortion is a crime – said that was unfair.
Best public prayer
While invocations were likely a common occurrence for many politicians in the past few weeks, only Judith Collins made hers in front of the cameras. The National Party leader took a quick campaign break to kneel at a pew like a child at bedtime praying for a pony, then blamed the reporters following her for breaching her privacy. Her handler had checked with church staff it was OK for cameras to enter. Although the prayer was public, the contents of if weren’t: ‘‘That’s between me and God, actually’’.
Worst Smokefree moment
NZ First leader Winston Peters appeared to have a quick durry in front of a ‘no smoking’ sign during a visit to the University of Otago. Peters publicly said he’d quit ahead of the 2017 election.
Best ping pong match
Perhaps to prove his lungs still have it, Winston Peters shared a video of him playing table tennis on social media. The clip featured slow-motion action and a thrilling soundtrack; speculation is rife whether it was produced by Rothmans.
The David Clark award
Created solely for David Clark, the inaugural David Clark Award goes to David Clark for his pre-election performances. Although the then-health minister defied lockdown rules in favour of going mountain biking and taking his family to the beach, he wins this award for throwing the nation’s sweetheart, Ashley Bloomfield, under the bus. The David Clark category may or may not resurface for the 2023 election awards.
The ‘It’s no act’ award
The seemingly un-embarrassable David Seymour’s campaign went better than many expected, so much so that he had trouble recalling who the first dozen candidates were on ACT’s party list. You know, those people who could become actual MPs as well. Seymour, so used to doing a roll call of one, was for once caught off guard. And to think, he could have just busted out a quick twerk as a diversion from the whole thing. Oh, David.
Strangest campaign moment
Labour leader Jacinda Ardern was shown wooden figurines of herself and partner Clarke Gayford being made during a visit to a Petone art shop. She then helped attach their arms and legs.
Best shoulder-riders
Every party leader knows they must be closely flanked by attentive and nodding colleagues. While Labour’s Megan Woods and her castaway colleague Phil Twyford’s efforts were commendable in being unofficial smiling bodyguards for Jacinda Ardern, the spoils this time around must go to National MPs Nicola Willis and Chris Bishop. Not only did they keep their gaze fixed on leader Judith Collins, they also laughed at her jokes at the right time, just to prove they were listening.
The ‘ We’re still here’ award
When journeyman professional election candidate John Tamihere emerged as coleader of the Ma¯ori Party, we knew we could at least rely on someone who would get his share of attention (and with the party polling around the one per cent mark that wasn’t too hard). Tamihere, who has more political baggage than a pre-Covid international airport, and once called the Ma¯ori Party a ‘‘train wreck’’, worked to make them a force once again, to break the Labour stranglehold on the Ma¯ori electorates.
Best apology
Despite his party long-opposing private schools, Greens leader James Shaw approved a $11.7m grant for just that. Shaw said he was sorry, and he wouldn’t do it again. The principal at Porirua’s Natone Park School sighed and put some more buckets under the leaky roof.
Supreme winner
The incomparable 2020 election takes this category. Despite taking place in a very strange year and being delayed by a month, it got there in the end.