Big Buddy programme makes a big difference
Tahana Tippett realised he wanted to become a mentor after noticing young boys drinking and smoking at a park near his marae. Caroline Williams
A young Auckland boy who grew up without a father figure has stepped up to look after his mother and younger siblings, thanks to a programme that helped him become mates with a male role model.
Tahana Tippett, 25, was hosting a te reo Ma¯ori class at his local marae – Ruapotaka in Glen Innes, east Auckland – when he saw a group of young boys drinking alcohol and smoking at a neighbouring park. He was concerned for the boys, who he estimated to be about 12 to 14 years old.
Tippett is of Nga¯ti Pa¯oa descent and could see the boys were also Ma¯ori, so he decided to approach them. As mana whenua, it was his job to do good by the people of his land, he said.
‘‘I’m comfortable on my own land and with my own people.’’
One of the boys said he didn’t have a father figure in his life, which struck a chord with Tippett, who experienced the opposite with his childhood.
‘‘I’ve always had a very strong support system. My mum and dad were always there for me. He’s [ the boy] never really known what is good and what is bad. He hasn’t had that education growing up, from a male role model.
‘‘Having a positive father figure in your life will give you a better outcome. I’m not saying it will be perfect, but I think it will make it better.’’
Having witnessed members of his distant family without their fathers present and knowing there must be more young boys in the same situation, Tippett, aged 21 at the time, wanted to help.
After some Google searching, Tippett came across Big Buddy, an organisation that pairs ‘‘good guys from the community’’ with boys aged seven to 14 whose dads are absent, providing them with a male role model.
The charity was founded in 1997 after a group of men decided they wanted to reduce the number of at-risk boys growing up without father figures. Today, more than 900 boys have been paired with a buddy. Big buddies were only expected to spend time, not money, Tippett said.
Tippett, a business development manager at Select Wealth Management on the North Shore in Auckland, typically spends about three hours each weekend with his ‘‘ little buddy’’, swimming, playing rugby, going for a walk or bike ride, building with Lego, going to the beach or playing on the PlayStation.
Tippett has also taken it upon himself to help his buddy
embrace his Ma¯ori heritage, which he inherited from his father’s side but never really knew. As a result, his buddy had learnt some te reo and joined his school’s kapa haka.
‘‘Your sense of identity is very important to knowing who you are.’’
The pair would also go to Tippett’s family events together, where his buddy became friends with Tippett’s nieces and nephews.
‘‘He’s a part of all my family, not just me.’’
Three years after becoming a Big Buddy, Tippett said he saw a noticeable difference in his buddy, who he described as ‘‘quite naughty’’ when they first met.
Now, he’s doing better at school, using his manners, listening to and looking after his mum and becoming a role model for his younger brother and sister.
‘‘ He’s an awesome older brother for them. They’ve both got no father as well, so he’s really stepping up for them. He’s kind of taking that role.’’
‘‘It’s good to see him become a good male growing up, for his community.’’
Both Tippett and his buddy recently moved, further enough away from each other that it wasn’t sustainable to maintain their weekly hangouts. However, the pair will stay in contact over the phone and Tippett is in the process of being paired with a new little buddy.
Big Buddy chief executive officer Paul Burns said Tippett had a ‘‘big heart’’.
The organisation’s biggest challenge was not having enough men signed up to be a big buddy. There are currently 100 boys waiting for a buddy across Auckland, Hamilton, Tauranga and Wellington.
‘‘The waiting list is far too long for our liking.’’
Being a big buddy was simple: All that was needed was ‘‘a caring and authentic connection’’, Burns said.
‘‘Little buddies aren’t broken, they don’t need to be fixed. There’s just a gap in their lives. [They don’t need] someone to show up with a magic wand, [they] just need someone to show up and listen.
‘‘If you’ve got some time and space and are prepared to show up for a boy, that relationship will grow and flourish and the boy will be better off for it.’’
Burns said many of the big buddies had also enjoyed the chance to bring out their inner child, and many found hanging out with their buddy was a welcome distraction from their dayto-day working lives.
‘‘Some of these guys tell us how cool it is to climb trees again and stuff like that.’’
Tippett recommended the Big Buddy scheme to other men because the experience had dealt him some ‘‘ great learning curves’’ to help him become a better person and given him fatherly skills for any future children.
Anyone interested in becoming a Big Buddy should visit bigbuddy.org.nz/mentoring.
‘‘I’ve always had a very strong support system. My mum and dad were always there for me. He’s [the boy] never really known what is good and what is bad. He hasn’t had that education growing up, from a male role model.’’ Tahana Tippett