X is the answer to a luxurious family existence
X is not known. Which is not to say it’s unknowable. It’s just a matter of figuring it out with the right equation.
In this particular case X represents the number of practice golf balls my son requires so that he can find one between five and 15 seconds after he decides he wants one.
Like most two-year-olds, 15 seconds is his upper patience limit before he reverts to needing adult help, or NAH.
When he hits NAH he starts to whine and this can spur into action unique (and not at all inferior to each other) parental disciplinary styles.
These can quickly result in anger, disgust, frustration and, in extreme cases, a distressing MILI, mother in law intervention, a variable that for some reason is pronounced in the French fashion.
Solving for X will not only therefore negate my son’s opportunities to reach NAH but also increases the chances of creating a home of happy and peaceful individuals, HAPI and, consequently avoiding a MILI.
There are reasons other than containing such variables that we want him to have access to practice golf balls whenever his heart desires and this reason is LiFE, luxurious family existence.
Of all sports my son has shown aptitude in it is golf that holds out the greatest promise of being able to control the LiFE factor.
This is mostly because his mother has concluded golf is not rugby and therefore the chances of her son being hurt and/or becoming a toothless front rower are significantly curtailed by a career in golf.
It is also known that golf is where you will find the remuneration is crazy high, or RICH. Achieving RICH is a strong indicator you can reach both LiFE and HAPI and a near certain pathway to having a PHIT, Parental House in Tuscany.
Complicating the solution to X is the fact toddlers are unable to locate any object they haven’t already got in their mouth. Most of them spend many minutes each day just trying to find their own hands. This is because they are totally oblivious to their surroundings, TOTTS. This variable significantly increases the number of practice golf balls needed to avoid NAH and is perhaps the most influential factor in determining X.
Flooding my house with golf balls to negate TOTTS will be expensive. I know that. Prohibitively expensive, but I must also allow for the PAYIN factor, in that you don’t even have a chance of solving for PHIT if you first don’t Provide All Your Infant Needs to succeed in their chosen endeavour.
But TOTTS influence on the solution to X needs to also take into account its equally influential relationship with a Sound Financial Existence, SaFE, which is of course also a prerequisite factor to LiFE that is a useful variable to have if you want to also solve for HAPI.
SaFE is best achieved by ensuring you never lose sight of IRIS, income received and income spent. IR must always be greater than IS and if you can’t see eye to eye on this simple rule you will never have any funds under no obligation, FUNO.
FUNO is the maximum you can spend on X but not the maximum you will spend.
Placing too much emphasis on any one factor in an equation inevitably results in a TWAT, Tiger Woods Attention Trauma. No one who has seen what TWAT can do would wish that on their child, so a parent who doesn’t take it into account when solving for X is likely to come unstuck.
X must also be less than the total value of SICC, a Severe Injury Caused by Chaos. The chances of SICC becoming a factor in your LiFE are significantly increased if X is calculated incorrectly to the point that a trip to the toilet becomes as epically dangerous as a nude night time toilet run while on safari in the Kalahari.
When SICC becomes an influencing factor in your equation you can kiss goodbye to FUNO, sometimes forever.
So, finally, to solve for X it is as simple as combining all of the above into one equation and crunching the numbers. Now, just like Seventh Form calculus I am not going to insult you by showing you my workings but you can rest assured I have the answer and here it is. X = Tennis.