The healing power of doing things for others

Sometimes a piece of writing brings such surprise and delight that it sets us all talking and passing it on to others.

Usually it’s a new novel or perhaps a treasured poem recovered from the past; but not always.

What follows is largely the work of a Quaker friend who seemed genuinely surprised at how it has delighted me; and when I asked her if I could use it she shrugged, apparently puzzled by this idea.

Despite considerable talent, both as a writer and a judge of good writing, she really didn’t think her article – recently published in a Quaker magazine – would be of interest to anyone outside her circle of faith. However, I think it is not only novel but is also something in which many have been surprised to see themselves.

It’s called Getting Better and follows below.

During 2011 I became extremely tired and ached all over. I was so tired I found I could not engage in conversation as I could not concentrate on what another person was saying, nor enter their world to respond.

Doing the washing took 4 days:

Day 1- Carry basket to machine. Go back to bed.

Day 2- Put washing into machine. Go back to bed.

Day 3- Hang up washing. Go back to bed.

Day 4- Bring it in and go back to bed.

Was this me, who had run up mountains and mixed cement without hesitation? I sought medical help and went through several diagnoses and drugs but the way forward came from a fortunate inspiration.

One evening at a shared meal I was listening to a life story from a man whose schizophrenia had made his life one of struggle and homelessness. He described walking from Raetihi to Jerusalem in winter with leaky shoes.

‘‘I was cold, I was so cold,’’ he said. Then he lived rough on the streets of Wellington. ‘‘I was cold, I was so cold,’’ he said.

I felt for him and said ‘‘I’ll make him a quilt.’’

I am long irritated by the amount of waste in this country and since I live minutes from a large, good op shop I negotiated with them to give me bags of clothing destined for the dump.

These I cut up into large pieces and assembled as simple quilts – in stripes or squares with bands of plain colours between patterns.

I found duvet inners from the box labelled Dog Bedding and made a backing from their sheets.

For his 63rd birthday I gave him his quilt with his name embroidered on the back. He wept. He wrapped it round himself and cried. He was particularly moved that I had made it and that it had his name on it. He took it everywhere.

Soon I was asked to make one for another man with mental health issues who lived in the ruins of his house in damp bush, his ex-partner having burnt the rest down in anger.

The squares were all wool checks and once more I put his name and the date on the back. He also wept, not believing that someone would actually make this for him; not just give him an old one that was no longer needed. I believe he and his dog sleep under this every night.

So I went on to make a quilt for each member of a large family, plus their several additions, on their birthdays, finding motifs and graphics from T-shirts that suited the person.

One was for a young man and was covered in rugby boots and motorbikes.

His mother said: ‘‘If you can interest a 13-year-old boy in patchwork you’ve achieved a miracle.’’

I thrived on the joy and laughter from everyone when each quilt was presented.

Now behind all this lies the progress I made in getting better. I found that, instead of sleeping most of the day and night I was now up for increasing hours at a time absorbed in simple sewing and anticipating the joy of machining something another person needed.

I was distracted from pain and fatigue, I felt more cheerful, could do some gardening again, converse and do the washing without effort.

Now it is 2018 and I am still living with conditions that affect my energy and mobility. I was losing interest in fighting back, in believing I could totally recover and that the effort is worthwhile.

So it is my experience that to get better from chronic conditions, take the pills and do as you are told, it may be beneficial, but lose yourself in some simple activity that brings joy to others – and keeps them warm – and you will recover while distracted, and be encouraged to persevere.

Being among several dozen friends who have been surprised with a quilt, it is a joy to hear how they have been healing to the one who had made them.

Lose yourself in some simple activity that brings joy to others – and keeps them warm – and you will recover while distracted, and be encouraged to persevere.