We are not better than ‘them’

Young David worked for me in a company where I was the general manager. David was not very socially competent, he had obsessions regarding cleanliness and would often scrub his hands to rawness to get the last of those germs.

David would obsess about some subjects and couldn’t resolve some questions in his head, he would ask the same question of me every day and we would process the same territory and reach the same conclusions and the next day we would start all over.

There were other aspects of his personality which were difficult and made it difficult for him to fit in and, indeed, for others to fit him in.

David struggled under Asperger’s Syndrome. He had the job because the company owner knew the family and David’s alternative was sitting at home all day watching television, eating unhelpful foods and putting on weight.

The 20 other employees in this building supplies company embraced David and slowly taught him to do some assembly work, some of which he took a year to learn. He became the cleaner and he got paid.

We probably all know someone who has or is struggling with mental illness. Increasingly we seem to hear or know of people who are depressed or even suicidal, the words autistic and Asperger’s are becoming a familiar part of the vocabulary. And we know of, and sometimes see, other expressions of mental ill health.

I’m no expert on this, I just see what I see and listen to a growing discussion about what is being understood as a growing problem – or is it a growing awareness?

I reflect on my three-year experience with David and other experiences I have had. I think on two good persons I know who took their own lives. I respond to the faith and values by which I seek to shape my life. I find here four understandings that help me.

1. That every person has dignity.

The heart of the gospel (good news) of Christ includes three affirmations. First; that God made every single person in his image and for his purposes and there are no lesser persons. Secondly; that Christ’s saving purpose (the Easter story) was offered to all without exception, and thirdly that Christian community and unity is inclusive of differences. Mental illness doesn’t change those truths one bit.

This same gospel asserts that we don’t have dignity because a government says we do or because of our economic or ethnic status. That our dignity doesn’t come from our appearance or from psychology. It is given to us as human beings by God. So, I embrace that spirit and make it my own and trust that should life’s circumstances ever change for me that I would be dignified by that same standard.

2. That there is a brokenness in all of us.

We all have our own weaknesses and wounds. We have our own fears, obsessive thoughts, and compulsions. When it comes to mental illness we are not better than ‘‘them’’. We are them.

That means we need each other. It is the reality of present disability or the memory of past disability or the potential of the future which may include disability that invites me to foster a culture that understands, cares and walks alongside.

3. That even if broken, we are deeply loved and valued.

The ancient Greeks had a word for love (Agapeo) that spoke of an unconditional love. It did not require a specific response although it welcomed relationship. It had no pre-conditions to qualify you.

They had other words for love as well. The love of family (Storge), love between friends (Phileo) and they spoke of the love between a man and a woman which included romantic and sexual expression (Eros). Each of these other three stipulated the nature of the recipient of that love and therefore excluded all others.

Agapeo love is described as the way that God loves, no exclusion, no prescription, and no requirement to repay or reciprocate. As a Christian believer I choose to seek to love in the way God loves and that includes love for all.

Greek and Roman culture also had a strong sense of self-advancement. Love was often expressed with self in mind. I then love you to receive something in return, Agapeo defied that principle and in the biblical ethos it was defined by putting the other first and even denying self.

When we walk with the mentally ill there may be many times when it is all and only about them, with little capacity for reciprocation, love then is at its purest.

4. That we are more likely to get a lot better within relationships.

No one person has all of the solutions to mental illness. But we have each other. We’re better together. Mental illness tends to create isolation. It’s one of the most tragic ways mental illness impacts people’s lives. Nothing is worse for someone who is struggling with mental illness than to be isolated from others.

Our communities and churches can become places where people can be honest about their mental illnesses. We need to become places of hope and refuge for broken people. Let us become the context where people with mental illness can discover they will never be alone again.

It worked for David.

Martein Kelderman, Pastor of New Plymouth Central Baptist Church