What you need to know if Christmas break triggers a divorce
While many New Zealanders relax in January, divorce lawyers head for the office. Divorce spikes across the developed world as the new year begins. People see January 1 as an opportunity to analyse their lives and change what no longer makes them happy. Sometimes that’s their spouse or partner.
Unsatisfactory relationships can drift along during the year, but any unhappiness is highlighted when couples spend a lot of time together over the Christmas break.
Money issues
Do you have enough money to go it alone? Ask your friends and family for help until you can get back on your feet.
See a lawyer for a preseparation consultation. This will inform you of what your rights are, and save you from any nasty surprises down the line.
Take money from your joint account or increase your credit card limit. You can apply for spousal maintenance through the Family Court, but this can take a long time, and it is not the preferred option. Consider seeing a financial or a budget planner, or even an accountant. Make a budget or think how you operate.
Talk to someone
Friends and family members can be a good source of support, but consider counselling, either for yourself or as a couple. That often makes the separation easier, and assists the process of healing afterwards.
Moving out
If possible, try to stay in the house together while you’re sorting everything. In my experience, the relationship stays more amicable while couples are still cohabiting. On the other hand, if the situation is intolerable to your physical or mental wellbeing, moving out may be the best thing for you.
Think of the children
If you have children, you’ll have extra decisions to make around visitation, responsibilities, and how everything will work financially. You might need to change your work hours to accommodate new arrangements. In any case, you’ll need to make sure your separation is as easy as possible for your children. If you can, break the news to them together. Try to figure out some of the logistics of where everyone will be living and when you will see each other, before you tell them.
Minimise stress
Avoid anything that will put extra pressure on you. This may not be the best time to be travelling long-distance or taking on a massive project. Take care of yourself: get more sleep and exercise, drink less alcohol. Schedule time away from your partner if that will help keep the peace.
Don’t sweat the small stuff
Focus on the big things: your children, your living arrangements, and the larger items of relationship property. Don’t worry about the smaller chattels at this stage.
Start thinking about the future
It’s a good idea to get professional advice on your legal rights and options early on, to make sure you’re protected in a separation. You should also change passwords on your computer and bank accounts. At some point you and your partner will have to document all your relationship property, so you could start gathering details of shares, pension funds and anything that’s not already at your fingertips.
Try to stay on good terms with your partner
This is a big one and is often easier said than done. Emotions run high and people are not always reasonable; but if you can, take deep breaths and try to maintain a good relationship. This will enable a faster settlement, with less lawyer involvement and less expense. You’ll be better off in the long run.
Jeremy Sutton is a senior family lawyer, specialising in divorce cases where there are significant assets, including family trusts and complex business structures.