Atiga opens up on depression
Former All Black Ben Atiga remembers a time when he couldn’t wait for a game to end, such was his fear and anxiety.
Now the 35-year-old is helping front Rugby For Life, the Scottish national association’s campaign for mental health support.
Atiga, who moved to Scotland in 2012 to play at Edinburgh, is thrilled to be involved in an area that is very dear to him.
He only played one test against Tonga at the 2003 World Cup in Australia, joining the squad as an injury replacement for Ben Blair.
But the expectations quickly caught up with the young fullback who had been the a former world under-21 player of the year.
He was captaining Auckland when his anxieties peaked.
‘‘I remember sitting on the bus on the way to Eden Park with my headphones on. All I could think about was, ‘I can’t wait till the end of the game’,’’ he told the BBC as he spoke about the Scottish programme aimed at helping players stay healthy, educate themselves and foster interests and careers outside of rugby.
He realises now that he was quite possibly suffering from depression.
Atiga’s struggles got so great that he stepped away from the game for a year before returning with Auckland, moving south to Dunedin to play for Otago and eventually on to Scotland.
‘‘I isolated myself from players, from rugby, even from my family,’’ he said. ‘‘I lacked energy, I put on a lot of weight – I went up to 122kg from about 99kg.
‘‘It’s important players to realise you could be at the top of the game, the best fullback in the world, and wake up and decide, I don’t feel like playing anymore.’’
Atiga, who was forced out with injuries in 2015, believes helping make players happy during the rugby career can assist their transition to life after the final whistle blows on their playing careers.
‘‘You could be an 18-year-old kid that comes out of school and into pro rugby. You can be 35 when you come out but still be that 18-year-old kid if you’ve done nothing,’’ Atiga told the BBC.