The young and happy
Happiness won’t land in your lap, it’s a choice made daily. Stephanie Ockhuysen speaks to people aged eight to 94 who make that choice.
Happiness is all most parents want for their children, and child psychology experts say one-on-one time and knowing they are loved is all they need to achieve it.
Simple as it is mental health figures show roughly one in seven young people in New Zealand will experience a major depressive disorder before the age of 24.
On top of that New Zealand has the highest mortality rate in the developed world for people aged 10 to 24 with around 35 deaths per 100,000 people. The main causes of death are youth suicide and road crashes.
We’re taught to aim for happiness all our lives, that it’s the single most important factor to living the ‘‘good’’ life. Yet most of us struggle to describe exactly what it is and therefore have little idea how to get there.
Eight-year-old Violet Jackson is one of the lucky ones.
On a rainy day during school holidays, on a break between TV and Barbies, the New Plymouth girl appears to have already discovered what happiness is.
‘‘It makes me happy when people say nice things about me, like that I’m kind,’’ she says with a cheeky grin.
Compliments and kindness, that’s it.
Jackson says she is happy most days. Her family, playing with her Barbies, eating strawberries, and singing the likes of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah at the top of her lungs are what contribute to that.
Child development expert Nathan Wallis explains the science of happiness comes down to the human central nervous system, where happiness is having status over others.
‘‘But the pursuit of happiness is much bigger than science.
‘‘Your happiness isn’t about what you’ve got, it’s about your relationship with other people.’’
He says the psychology of happiness will change as children grow older but it still comes down to the central nervous system.
‘‘So for a child it’s still going to be about their relationships to other children.’’
Philosophy professor Bill Fish poses an interesting experiment when it comes to childrens’ relationships to others.
If you offer a child one piece of chocolate but the rest of their class get a bar, the child feels worse off and is unhappy.
However, Fish says, if the child was told they could have two pieces and then choose whether their classmates got a full bar or just one piece, they would choose one piece each.
‘‘Even though they get less chocolate they don’t feel like they’re doing worse than other people,’’ he says.
In the last 15 years with the rise of technology and introduction of social media, it’s become impossible not to compare ourselves to others.
But more often than not, because of influencers and celebrities posting perfectly posed pics, our lives don’t come close to matching those we compare them against.
Taranaki teenager Jaylee Bardsley spends two to three hours a day on social media – something she is visibly embarrassed about.
The 17-year-old believes all that time spent scrolling through other people’s lives and being constantly connected makes it’s harder for teenagers to be happy these days.
It’s hard not to compare yourself to others on social media, she says, even though she knows people are only posting their highlights.
She’s bubbly, funny, and friendly and says happiness comes kind of naturally. But pressures can take a toll.
‘‘People feel like they have to compare themselves to the Kardashians because they seem so great. Us young teenagers look up to them kind of like ‘they have waist trainers, they have this, they have that’, we feel we need to have that too.’’
But at the end of the day, she knows what real happiness is.
‘‘I just need my friends and family because they are always there when I need them and when they need me I’ll be there for them. They make me feel genuinely happy.’’
Tomorrow: The choice in your 20s and 30s.