Tourists’ NZ questions to Jacinda
Dear Jacinda Ardern, While showing a couple of friends around our beautiful country recently – one from England, one from Scotland – there were a few things that completely and utterly baffled them.
Our plugs, for example, and how different they were to theirs, and the fact we have Christmas in summer. They just couldn’t believe that.
It could be the smallest of things that left them confused. Like the pronunciation of Twizel. Every time I told them it was said Twy-zel and not Twizz-el, they were disappointed.
For the almost three weeks they were here, every day something new blew their little minds and left them questioning everything they knew.
Unfortunately I didn’t hold all the answers, but for some reason, and I’m not sure why, they believe you do, Prime Minister.
Maybe that’s how things work in the UK? Ask Boris instead of Google.
Anyways, if you could please reply at your earliest convenience with the answers to the following:
(PS. I have included translations because they were using completely the wrong words for things.)
How do Kiwi birds have sex? Google doesn’t really explain it so maybe this is information only the New Zealand Government holds. Why do people walk around barefoot in the supermarket?
Where did the word togs come from? It makes no sense. Also jandal, where did that come from? They’re flip flops.
Why don’t you have trains between cities? Why are there no stairs anywhere? We saw minimal stairs in our whole three weeks. Why don’t you care about liquids on flights? Back home we have to take everything out just for a domestic flight. We even have to take our shoes off.
Why is that little feather (silver fern) on everything? Why are there security bars when you go into supermarkets? They bruised our legs. Why are your plugs so weird? Can you please authorise McDonald’s in the UK to sell the Kiwi burger? What is the Wind Wand in New Plymouth? Is it a giant lamp? Can you stop Brexit? That’d be great, thanks. Can you also be our Prime Minister? That’d be great, thanks. Do you secretly wish Christmas was in the winter?
Why are your chickens blue? Those things should not just be wandering around (they mean pu¯ keko). Please explain what on God’s good earth a cheese roll is. Yours sincerely, Confused tourists
The Prime Minister’s office declined to answer these questions stating: ‘‘We get a lot of media requests and we tend to prioritise the PM’s comments on news topics.’’
Did I really email the Prime Minister’s office to ask how Kiwi birds have sex? Yes. Do I regret it? No.