News leads to nightmares
Question
My 12-year-old was in our lounge getting her sister to plait her hair the other night when she saw a news item on the homeless in New York being woken up and kicked off the subway.
I wasn’t there, but I went back to watch it later, and saw some graphic pictures of people dazed and unwell and one confused woman who didn’t know where to go.
My daughter has been traumatised by these images and can’t stop asking about the homeless. I’m trying to help her forget it, but she’s is having nightmares about what she saw.
Answer
Many people have been living with an underlying level of anxiety over the past few months. Your daughter may have been building to this extreme reaction without you even realising.
I saw that exact news item and I was also upset, so I’m not surprised it’s impacted your 12-year-old. It’s as if her brain couldn’t cope with one more worry. I’d treat this assault to her mental health just as you might a physical injury.
Wrap her up with love and assurance, try to restrict her TV viewing for a while – especially the news – and let her bask in being 12.
Even though you’re probably keen to stay away from this upsetting topic, I also think you need to answer her questions as honestly as possible.
Yes, they were homeless people who were being kicked off the subway so the subway could be disinfected. They were being given information on where they could find shelter.
I would have to say, I thought many of the homeless in the story were too disoriented and confused to understand the piece of paper they were being handed was the solution for that night’s shelter.
International news items are usually brief and we were given just an alarming glimpse. I think you could reassure your daughter they would have been picked up and cared for. She’s at a very impressionable age and it’s likely she’ll never forget what she’s processing.
The children of the next generation seem more socially aware. Hopefully, they’ll do a better job of addressing the imbalances in life than we’ve done, because, if there’s one particular issue this pandemic has highlighted it’s the gap between the rich and the poor and particularly so, in big cities like New York.
We’ve seen excessive, sickening displays of wealth compared to abject poverty, and it’s the very poor who are most susceptible to this virus. It’s sobering for us all.
While you don’t want your daughter to be so alarmed she can’t sleep, you also don’t want her to lose her empathy and her growing sense of justice.
You can teach her ways to make a difference, even if they’re small. Donate money, clothes and furniture to the groups that shelter the homeless and always treat every human with respect.
Since we’re all getting back to basics, could you help her knit a beanie for someone in need? It might make her feel empowered. Show her online that organisations are working to eliminate homelessness. Let her feel hope.
■ Mary-anne Scott has raised four boys and written three novels for young adults, all of which have been shortlisted for the NZ Book Awards for children and young adults. As one of seven sisters, there aren’t many parenting problems she hasn’t talked over.
■ Please note that Mary-anne is not a trained counsellor. Her advice is not intended to replace that of professional counsellor or psychologist.
■ To send her a question email life.style@stuff.co.nz with Dear Mary-anne in the subject line. Your anonymity is assured.