What are those subjects to avoid
OPINION: I’ve never been one to avoid particular topics in conversation, but as I age I discover there are some things better left unsaid.
That’s not to say that these topics aren’t important to discuss in a different situation; nor should you be censoring yourself constantly, afraid of offending anyone whose views you’re unsure of.
But there are no-go areas.
APPEARANCE
For example, one topic I completely avoid is that of a woman’s appearance. Because, no matter the company, male of female, I really have no business commenting on this.
From the tabloid obsession about which designer dresses celebrities wear on red carpets to fat-shaming, women are already inundated with opinions on how they look, or how they’re supposed to look. They don’t need my unsolicited feedback.
RELIGION & POLITICS
Traditionally, religion and politics don’t belong in polite conversation.
I disagree, with a couple of caveats. It’s great to be able to contribute to a dialogue about what’s happening in our world, but not to the point you become offensive.
I don’t think it wise to push a political or ideological agenda onto others, and saying discriminatory things for the sake of a laugh is just crass.
If you have to utter the phrase, ‘‘I’m not racist, but...’’ the rest of the sentence is one you’ll regret.
Moreover, if talk of politics or religion starts to isolate some of the people in your conversation – by that I mean, they become quiet because everything you’re saying goes right over their head and they don’t know how to contribute – I think it’s only right to pull back and converse about something more accessible.
As smart as you are, your views on the ethnographic intricacies of the current situation in Eastern Turkey aren’t for everybody.
YOUR OBSESSIONS
On a similar note, the technical aspects of your obsessions might be something to steer clear of as well.
Maybe you’re a passionate home brewer, but be open to the possibility that your colleagues don’t want to hear, for a full 10 minutes, about the impacts of your hops’ age at picking to the fermentation process.
GOSSIP
Lastly, I always ensure to avoid all opinions on people connected to those I’m talking to. Mutual friends or colleagues might be mentioned in polite conversation, but never use this as an opportunity to gossip about their relationship troubles or their shortcomings.
The only person who looks bad in this situation is you.
HAVE YOUR SAY
Send your letter to the editor to daniel.hutchinson@fairfaxmedia.co.nz or comment on our Facebook or Neighbourly sites.