14 predictions for 2014 cup

Despite the naysayers , the tournament will start on time.

Italy will have the classiest strip, and casual apparel.

3 A commentator will describe somebody as having a “cultured” or “educated” left foot.

4 No commentator will describe a player as having a cultured or educated right boot. Why?

5 There will be complaints that the ball, specially designed for the tournament, does not fly properly.

6 There will be patronising commentary about the African teams’ superb athleticism but tactical naivety.

7 Ticket touts will be warned to stay away because the penalties have never been tougher.

8 Ticket touts will turn up en masse.

9 England will go out on penalties. They always do.

10 The WAGS will be blamed for number 9.

11 The Dutch will be racked by internal fighting.

12 Luis Suarez, Liverpool’s Uruguyan genius, will provoke somebody to violence.

13 Argentina win (unless Brazil, or another team, does).

14 The final will be the worst game of the tournament.