This theft is the most Canadian crime ever

How popular is hockey in Canada? So popular, it seems, that if you’re planning to break into a store to steal beer, you disguise yourself as a goalie.

The suspect in one robbery did so wearing goalie pads and carrying a goalie stick. But besides the skates, there’s just one piece of the uniform this beer thief forgot. “He was wearing everything but a [goalie] mask,” Russell police spokesman Brett Church told the Winnipeg Free Press about the incident that occurred on August 15.

Church said the suspect was wearing a ski mask instead to obscure his face The no-good netminder held his hockey stick “in his weak hand. . . like he’s walking in a goalie stance”. Thus, Church said: “He must be a goalie.”

The official news release about the crime begs to differ, however. “He may have been a defenceman or forward in disguise as he was wearing jersey #17 - a non-traditional number for goalies,” it said (via the CBC).

Whatever position this robber might play, his love for hockey might explain why he had an accomplice. Just as you can’t win a hockey game by yourself, it turns out you also can’t steal three cases of Budweiser alone either. Perhaps to save the goalie’s stick, the accomplice used a rock to break the glass.

The crime has proven so absurd that even the store’s manager isn’t all that upset. “I just laughed out loud,” Jean Betke told the Free Press when she saw the surveillance video.