If everyone wins a prize, it’s a bit like nobody did

The title should have been a clue. Nobody expects anything called a Budget to be exciting.

Promising all the suspense of a spreadsheet, the Budget sounds as exciting as a flat roster for chores.

Put it this way: nobody ever gets Xero confused with Tinder. (Actually I did once. I thought I’d joined a dating site exclusively for gold-diggers. “How shallow are these women! They keep asking for receipts!”)

And while the Budget is all about money, money, money — so in theory it has the potential to be exciting — the prizes yesterday weren’t huge. And if everyone wins a prize, it’s a bit like nobody did.

A weekly difference to some households of say $15 to $30 — that’s like tuning into Lotto to see if you’ve scored Division Five.

And even if $15 to $30 a week isn’t a lot of (cliche alert) avocado toast — it looks like National might just have eaten Labour’s lunch.

Along with low-income families, one of the main winners yesterday was “the average worker” — by definition, Labour’s target market. Game on.

RNZ got some money, so that’s good. Now their staff can be paid in money, rather than pieces of native bird.

The tough thing about evaluating a Budget is to notice what’s not in it. Clean water. All the problems we’re fatigued talking about: Auckland housing, Auckland gridlock.

It’s like the Government thinks a train to Auckland Airport isn’t a priority. After all, it’s an airport. Can’t people fly there? Immigrants manage to fly there! What excuse have locals got?

But if you’re a child with behavioural issues, in a low-income family, supported by an average worker, and your mental health issues are due to an unrequited, burning desire for a City Rail Link, then yesterday’s Budget was a love letter to you.

Hurry up and get old enough to vote!