Raybon Kan
Lost Ark, and risking your own face melting from gruesome images of worst-case scenarios.
Despite the War on Chicken, KFC is still food, a source of energy and nutrition. Dropping a pallet-load of KFC on to a famine region would be helpful: not the same as dropping cartons of cigarettes.
And health-wise, what’s worse for your body: eating KFC, or playing rugby league? Why is it admirable for rugby players to smash their heads into each other, risking spinal injuries, broken legs and concussion — yet if your preferred technique of selfharm is diabetes, high blood pressure and cardiac disease, it’s somehow worse? Aren’t they both damaging? Aren’t they both a drain to society?
There’s a puritanical thing going on. We like to think we’re championing health, but really, we want people to suffer. Inject aromatic sodium and fat into all four chambers of your heart, while couch-bound, surfing porn, and you’re the baddie. But lose fingers, toes and brain cells while climbing Everest — and you’re a hero.
The First World problem is this: be careful what you wish for. Back in the day, we hunted and gathered — a certain amount of energy had to be spent to take any in. Nowadays, hunting and gathering consists of a verbal request, while sedentary, at a
Should KFC be limited only to those buyers who can show a certain number of Fitbit steps on the same day?
drive-through. More often than not, even the transmission is automatic.
So how to protect us from ourselves? Should KFC be limited only to those buyers who can show a certain number of Fitbit steps on the same day, or who can demonstrate a thigh gap, or show visible front hip bones? Should KFC packaging be made to show health warnings and stigmatizing pictures?
Should you only be allowed to obtain KFC at the age of 18, and even then, with a prescription? (Of course, then Pharmac would have to deal with the question whether the 11 herbs and spices be replaced by a generic formulation.)
If KFC really wanted to target children, they’d shell out for an ad where the Teletubbies gorge themselves on the product. (At least it would explain how they got tubby.)
Honestly, you’d think fast food is our education system, the way some complain. We’re arguing whether a girl or boy should get a different toy in their Happy Meal. Maybe boys shouldn’t get a Happy Meal at all. They should get a Staunch Meal, which comes with a grey plastic mancave, to encourage them to retreat, suppress emotions, and just say everything’s OK. Girls, meanwhile, can get a Happy Meal where the actual meal itself is a plastic toy, and after posting an Instagram, they only pretend to eat it.