‘Time is right to talk’
The New Zealand Herald is publishing a special series about youth suicide called Break The Silence. It will run for approximately five weeks.
Mariah Herbert, 20, grew up in Kaitaia. She lost her sister to suicide in 2008, a friend to suicide last year and has attempted suicide twice herself.
She says youth suicide is not just a Northland problem; it’s a national crisis. Today, in a piece written for the
Herald’s Break The Silence series, she shares her thoughts on why so many young New Zealanders feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.
She encourages young people to open up and reminds them they can be whatever they want to be. In her own words:
Being young can be hard. “Beyond the fact that we find ourselves in positions where we feel low because of personal issues like family, friendships, relationships, financial problems and low self-esteem, the one thing that is even worse is the feeling like you’re different to the rest of the world because of how you feel inside.
“Feeling like you’re alone, feeling trapped and like you can’t talk to anyone because you may get frowned upon. Feeling like everyone has a magnifying glass on you and just feeling judged.
“For a long time we’ve been taught that we aren’t allowed to be sad, that we have more than the generations before us so there’s apparently no need for us to feel down.
“Let’s admit it, adults look at us teens and young adults as if we’re useless if we don’t have jobs or aren’t studying some sort of career. Like we’re spoiled little brats that don’t know how to make anything of ourselves. If we don’t finish school we’re not going to get anywhere in life.
“Because of these false assumptions and stereotyping, it has ruined the minds of our lost teens, who are desperately looking to find their way to a brighter future.
“Don’t get me wrong, to the ones who have gone through teen days with A-grades, studied and have degrees and qualifications, awesome jobs and bright lives, I respect and love that. But they, too, are normal people and go through the same struggles, but for different reasons.
“There isn’t just one type of person that feels suicidal or depressed, no, no, no, everyone in some way can reach this point.
“Personally, I have experienced this feeling all through my life for a lot of different reasons. We go through things that change our outlook on life, but we pull through.
“More and more things keep happening and you start to wonder why, why do things keep happening to me? But you keep pushing past it.
“Then problem after problem attacks and you start to feel like you are the problem, then suddenly that’s when the overflow of everything you’ve held in just bursts. You start to question your worth in life and what you’ve done to be stuck in this. And all you want to do is talk to someone, anyone, who will understand you and who you can trust.
“But you can’t. Why? Because it isn’t ‘NORMAL’. We have to ‘TOUGHEN UP’. We ‘HAVE IT BETTER THAN OTHERS’. We ‘ DON’T KNOW WHAT REAL STRUGGLES ARE’. The world has taught us this and is still teaching us this. That is the core of this problem. That is why our suicide rate is so damn high.
“Instead of accepting the basic solution of normalising depression and making it okay to talk about our problems, we tend to try and blame certain things, certain people, just so it keeps our mouths shut and takes the attention away from the actual problem.
“I just wish we could normalise talking about our problems. Through everything I’ve experienced, the attempts and self-harm, the only true thing that has gotten me through each day is knowing I am loved and under- stood by the people I’ve trusted to open up to. “It was a huge release, like a massive chip had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt free.
“We need to stop sweeping suicide under the rug because it doesn’t help anything at all.
“Even now when I get into dark places, I open up confidently and get everything off my chest without being judged.
“No matter who you are or what you do, you should never have to feel like you need to wear a mask to cover anything you’re holding in. That was one of my biggest mistakes that nearly cost me my life and would’ve ruined those I love and care about.
‘“You are who you are and you can be whatever it is you want to be,’ is what I tell myself every day. Think of life as the road to YOUR successes and dreams, every problem and hard time is just a speed bump that you will get over.
“You can make something of yourself, even if you have nothing. Because I did, and I’m still pushing for even more.”
Donate to Northland’s Raid Movement, a youth-led group to combat suicide, by contacting the organisation via Facebook.