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Unlimited free public Wi-Fi at Christchurch Airport. A great bonus for travellers stuck without lounge access during fog delays, and further proof that this might just be New Zealand’s smartest airport. Tell us what you like and don’t like in the world of travel. Email travel@nzherald.co.nz Outrage! Fire and fury simmer among the good people of Ngati Travel Wires following the news that readers of Rough Guide have voted Scotland the most beautiful country on the planet, followed by Canada, with Aotearoa inexplicably rated third. The mystification is deepened by a lack of information about how this decision was reached. Several of our members think the judging panel may have included Wayne Barnes and a couple of his French mates. The evidence Let’s examine the possible criteria. First, weather. Scotland and Canada: One season all year. New Zealand, four seasons in one day. We win! Great walks? Scotland, Sauchiehall St in Glasgow on a Saturdee night, ducking flying jugs. Canada, a genteel toddle through the French Quarter of Montreal. Aotearoa, the Milford and Routeburn tracks. Lay down misere. Gamemanship Greatest sportsperson? Alex Ferguson, Fergy. Wayne Gretzy, the Great Gretzky. Us, the immortal Pinetree. Doesn’t matter how any of them performed in their game, our guy wins hands-down for the best nickname. Best sports team? The Hoops, the Bhoys, the mighty Celtic. Across the Atlantic, some rabble that play a game, the rules of which no one understands outside Toronto. Downunder, the winning-est team in the history of sports. Say no more. Culture Best band? That lot, The Proclaimers. Canada, Guess Who. Us, Dragon. Or th’Dudes. Or Crowded House. Or . . . we win again. Best TV show? The Jammies, Cracker. Canada, Full House. Us, Top of the Lake. Best movie? The northern junkies, Trainspotting. Canada, some three-hour long black-and-white, French-dialogue-wrist-slitting psychodrama set in the snows outside Winnipeg. Us, Boy or The Hunt for the Wilderpeople. So, you would rather watch? Best Billy? Billy Connolly, William Shatner or Billy T James? A sure victory for the black-singletted one. Best beach? You kidding? As if the entire coastline of Scotland and Canada combined has anything to rival the beauty a Sunday morning at Hamilton Lake? Case closed! The verdict! Bugger Korea, this is important. Ngati Travel Wires is taking a case to the UN Security Council. And we’re going to demand Helen Clark chairs the tribunal.
— travel@nzherald.co.nz