Shorty Street’s finale pulls out all the stops
Shortland Street’s bloody season-ending cliffhanger leaves of the spinoff.co.nz on tenterhooks
There were shootings, deaths at sea, Santa sabotage, masked gunmen . . .
couldn’t fix Leanne’s beard rash, but he saved Finn, nay the entire world, when he pushed the masked gunman into the hospital atrium. The shooter hit the ground like “a water balloon full of mince”, and Chris breathed a sigh of relief and told everyone it was over. We were only nine minutes in. White lace and promises were long forgotten for Mason and Sass, who sailed into a world of terror on a catamaran named Bad Kitty. Sass was horrified as Mason banged on windows and screamed through skylights and probably ate all the melon on the fancy fruit platter. Bastard. The shipping forecast was grim, and when Jasper hit his head and died on a pile of beach towels it seemed the only thing Sass would get for Christmas was a watery grave. Mudflaps, as Dawn would say. Mason wasn’t the only one desperate for revenge. Nobody makes Leanne look like the fifth-inline to the throne and gets away with it, so she hid her blotchy face behind a shroud of retribution to spike Dawn’s party trifle.
Ali scoffed the entire pudding, and as the waves of Christmas tidings washed over Ferndale, Ali’s tsunami of vomit washed over Dawn. It dripped through her hair, it flew into her mouth, it pooled in a chunky puddle at her feet. It was spectacular.
Even more astonishing was the tantalising peek into Chris Warner’s inner sanctum. Intoxicated by fear, rage and a ton of whisky, Chris was taken home by old mate Drew. I’m sure I heard Chris hum the opening bars of Anchor Me as he wrapped his grateful arms around Drew’s head. Drunk Chris is a glorious sight, but I’d be even happier if someone could tell me where to buy that pink duvet cover, thank you and good night.
The episode climaxed with three lives in the balance: Esther, whose weakened heart gave out after she was kidnapped by another escaped prisoner; Virginia, found unconscious at the bottom of Chris’ stairs (Pushed? Fell? Another tragic victim of Triflegate?), and Sass, who shot Mason through the guts with a spearfish gun and was left treading water somewhere in the Pacific.
Who lives? Who dies? Who really knows if Leanne did grow a beard during the 1970s?
“This is the best Christmas ever!” squealed Dawn, and she was right. The 2017 cliffhanger was a powerchucking, villain-sinking, atriumsplatting extravaganza that left me gasping for more. — The Spinoff