Wha¯ngai The greatest decision
Overjoyed couple still find it hard to believe they were given the gift of a baby boy, writes Sarah Harris
Five months on from the emotional gifting of baby Kyrie both sets of parents are feeling positive about the decision. The documentary Sharing the Love follows Wellington couple Tumatauenga and Riann Umaga-Marshall, who become pregnant unexpectedly for the fourth time. They chose to wha¯ngai their baby boy Kyrie to Riann’s brother Desmond Mihaere and his wife, Luana, who had been trying for a second child for 13 years.
Wha¯ngai is the Ma¯ori custom where a child is brought up by someone other than their birth parents — usually another relative.
Riann and Tu last month saw Kyrie for the first time since he went to live in Australia with Des and Luana in September last year. They got regular updates and photos but were still surprised by how much he had grown.
Riann had no regrets about the wha¯ngai, despite a few teary months.
“In the beginning it was hard for me but I didn’t regret it. It was the right thing to do,” she told the Herald.
“If you don’t know how close our family is you wouldn’t understand . . . We’re pretty close.”
She said it was “emotionally raw” doing the documentary as it meant they had to articulate intimate thoughts they wouldn’t normally talk about every day.
It had been challenging explaining wha¯ngai to their three kids aged 3, 6 and 11. But the best part was seeing how delighted Des and Luana and their 15-year-old son, Blade, were, Riann said.
“Just hearing about how happy they are. That’s all we really wanted when we decided to do that.”
Wha¯ngai parents Luana and Des were still feeling overwhelmed and grateful.
“For us that [the wha¯ngai] has been the greatest decision. Still until today we can’t believe they’d do something so awesome,” Des told the Herald.
“We’re just so grateful to receive this bundle of joy. There are no words we can say to express how grateful we are.”
Des said Kyrie didn’t sleep well initially but had settled into a routine. Luana and Des are mum and dad to him. They hadn’t discussed what Kyrie would call Riann and Tu but Des thought they were more like a “mumma and papa”.
Des said it had bought the family closer as they now talked most days.
“We are so grateful for the opportunity to be parents again. I just can’t say enough about my sister and her husband for giving us this opportunity.
“He [ Kyrie] has really got some attitude about himself. He’s a real chatterbox . . . It’s been such an awesome journey so far.”
The families will next get together in September for Kyrie’s first birthday when Riann, Tu and their kids fly to Brisbane.